


One Night Stand With A Poet // Narry Storan

by NarrysRendezvous



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bipolar Disorder, Dark Harry, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Fluff, M/M, Mental Illness, Minor Character Death, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, One Night Stands, Poet harry, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Sad Harry, Smut, narry storan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-10-27 15:30:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10811820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarrysRendezvous/pseuds/NarrysRendezvous
Summary: What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music.... And people flock around the poet and say: 'Sing again soon' - that is, 'May new sufferings torment your soul but your lips be fashioned as before, for the cry would only frighten us, but the music, that is blissful......." 'What I feel for youFalls somewhere betweenThe undying love and loyalityAnd the delectably dark,Indecent lustOf a heated one night stand.' As he wrote the last few words he looked up once more, watching the person that somehow made his cold heart melt and skip a beat. He then got up and left, leaving behind the napkin tucked under the now empty coffee cup..."...A story about a sad and disturbed young poet, who is writing poems for someone who barely remembers him after a drunken one night stand.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) Here's part one of my new fanfic! I hope you like it <3 You can find this fanfic and many more on my wattpad @xxGucciStylesxx . Please comment suggestions and leave kudos.  
> ~As always all the love L.xx

Harry usually doesn't let himself do these kinds of things, maybe the one too many drinks were the cause of this, but now he's laying in his bed with a complete stranger...and he knows that in the morning the stranger will be gone. With his eyes barely staying open he took one last glance at the blonde, blue eyed boy next to him and closed his eyes drifting off to sleep.... 

In the morning when he opened his eyes he was alone as expected. He sighed slightly and got up. After that followed his everyday morning routine. Take medication. Shower. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Make bed. Breakfast. Take another type of medication. Wallow in self pity. Go to work. Harry worked part-time in a library. So pretty much about three hours a day he spent doing almost nothing, sometimes he'd write poetry, sometimes he'd read and sometimes he'd arrange the supplies on the desk by colour and size. When he came home he'd write some poetry. Then look through his old poems and fix some of them. Then sometimes in the evening he'd go to a cafè and read his poems and listen to other people's poems. Sometimes he'd talk with some friends and have a beer, but usually he left after it all finished and when he got in his apartment he'd immediately go to bed....and the same thing happened the next day...and the day after that....and the day after that. So breaking the habit and hooking up with someone wasn't really his type of thing. But it happened. He can't turn back time and stop it from happening...even if he could he wouldn't. Becuase then he'd never meet the happy Irish boy with a pretty smile.

A few weeks after the one night stand, around two in the morning, Harry couldn't sleep so he got up from his bed and sat at his desk. He drew a bit; he tried to draw the boy from that night, he remembered his name was Niall, but he couldn't remember his face clearly. He then gave up on drawing his lover and started writing some rhymes. 

"I always knew that love would come find me someday,  
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way.  
You caught me off guard and took me by surprise.  
You simply captivated me."

After adding the dot at the end of the sentence he looked out of his window and saw a couple in front of his apartment building. He slightly cringed at them kissing and wrote again; 

"What do your words mean?  
Are they void – empty promises?  
Darkness surrounds me  
Death, destruction, desecration, depression  
Blood, bitterness, bile, blight. 

I love the smell of a burning cigarette,   
but hate the stale smell on my clothes.  
I love that I can't forget,   
but hate that inside me you grow.  
I love the sun as it sets,   
but hate when it decides to go.  
I love that ignorance can be bliss,   
but hate that I'll never know." 

He got up and then laid down on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling and grabbed a cigarette pack from his night stand. He shook it and realized it was empty.  
"Goddamn it! Why can't I ever have nice things?!" He groaned and closed his eyes while sighing in frustration. Soon, he drifted off to sleep. 

In the morning, when he woke up, he did his morning routine and then left to go get his morning cup of coffee before work. When he got to his favorite cafè it was closed. He exclaimed some more hate comments towards life while some people passed by him, looking at him like he's crazy. Then he sighed and went to the cafè a few blocks away. He walked inside and walked up to the bar.   
"One strong bla-" He said and then the barista turned around. He saw the blonde, blue eyed boy from that night and he froze. He wondered if the boy remembered him as well. He was all cought up in his thoughts because a few moments later the barista was looking at him weirdly.  
"Sir, are you okay?" He asked.  
Harry just nodded fastly and paid for his coffee. In the blink of an eye he stormed out of the cafè, his heart beating faster than usual...

When he got to work he arranged some books and coordinated the objects on his table by colour, but it all went by quickly and after work he suddenly felt the urge for more coffee....or maybe he wanted more glances at the barista.

He walked into the cafè and sat at one of the tables. A few moments later the blonde was by his table.

He laughed and asked "Hello again sir, what would you like to order?" 

Harry smiled slightly,"The same again please"   
Niall nodded and went to get the coffee. He was back in a few minutes and handed Harry the coffee and a napkin.   
"Here you go sir." He smiled at Harry and Harry paid him, leaving him a decent tip.   
Niall smiled shocked,"Wow thank you sir!" He laughed and sent Harry a warm smile....then left...

And Harry wondered if he really didn't remember him...

Later as he was doodling something on his napkin and sipping his coffee, he lifted his head up and saw Niall greeting customers and for a moment their eyes connected, but Niall simply smiled and looked away. Harry took a few more sips of his coffee and wrote on the napkin:

"What I feel for you  
Falls somewhere between   
The undying love and loyality  
And the delectably dark,  
Indecent lust  
Of a heated one night stand." 

As he wrote the last few words he looked up once more, watching the person that somehow made his cold heart melt and skip a beat. He then got up and left, leaving behind the napkin tucked under the now empty coffee cup. He walked out on the street and smiled slightly as he looked behind himself, tehnically looking at the boy behind the bar as the door closed. And as he was walking up the street he could see the inside of the cafè and he saw Niall pick up the napkin which only made him smile wider, but then he stopped smiling and went home...and he pretended like none of this ever happened...


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two darlings! I really like this fanfic, what do you guys think? If you like it leave a vote and comment please :) Also check out the rest of my fanfics ;) Part three will be up soon.  
> -As always all the love L.xx

What happened in the last chapter  
"What I feel for you  
Falls somewhere between   
The undying love and loyality  
And the delectably dark,  
Indecent lust  
Of a heated one night stand." 

As he wrote the last few words he looked up once more, watching the person that somehow made his cold heart melt and skip a beat. He then got up and left, leaving behind the napkin tucked under the now empty coffee cup. He walked out on the street and smiled slightly as he looked behind himself, tehnically looking at the boy behind the bar as the door closed. And as he was walking up the street he could see the inside of the cafè and he saw Niall pick up the napkin which only made him smile wider, but then he stopped smiling and went home...and he pretended like none of this ever happened...  
.  
.  
.  
.  
The next day he had a day off from work which gave him the perfect excuse to stay in his house all day. He woke up very early, at around 5am. He couldn't sleep do he decided to just give up on even trying to fall asleep. He watched some TV and then read a book. At around 8.30am he got a message from his best friend Liam. 

L:Hey mate, I remembered you've got a day off today so do you maybe wanna get brunch with me and Louis? :D

Harry sighed when he read the message. He really didn't feel like leaving the house so he tried to make up an excuse to stay in.

H:Sorry, I can't I'm kind of sick today so I think I'll stay in.

L:Harry we all know you're not sick, cmon it's good to leave the house sometimes.  
*seen at 8.45am* 

L:Don't fucking leave me on read Harry Styles! I know where you live I'll fucking come n get you! ;D  
*seen 8.52* 

Harry rolled his eyes at the message and set his phone away from himself. He laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He started thinking about Niall again...  
He stayed there for a while not noticing anything around him. But, his thoughts were snapped with Liam and his other best friend Louis walking in his bedroom. 

"C'mon lazy ass, get dressed we're gonna go grab some food!!" Louis said with a laugh. 

Harry looked at them with a blank expression and shook his head no. Liam sighed at that and Louis rolled his eyes.

"Harry you can't do this to yourself!" Liam said.

"Do what? Stay in my own house if I feel like it?" He responded and laughed as he looked at them again.

"Isolate yourself from the world! Don't do it again, you know what happened when you did this last time!" Louis added in an angry tone.

"Yeah well this time I'm not dating anyone, so no one is there to be ignored. And you two have eachother so I'm not gonna get bothered by ignoring you! Take my jacket or something with you, it'll be like im there. Not like I ever say anything or do anything!" He laughed ironically and rolled his eyes again.

"Did you really just compare yourself to an inanimate object?!" Liam yelled, looking at Harry angrily, "You're getting bad again Harry! We're not gonna just stand here and let you distance yourself from everything!" 

Harry looked at them with another blank expression.

"Also what about Niall?" Louis responded,"When I met you two together you really clicked!" 

"I'm not getting bad again! I'm fine! I don't need your guys' help!" He yelled back at them,"And we didn't click! We were drunk! Also there is nothing with him, he left the morning after he spent the night and I haven't heard from him since. I also don't think he remembers me, I went to a café that he happens to work in and he doesn't remember me."

Louis smiled,"Then let's go to the café. He knows me so when he sees me he'll remember you-" 

"No." Harry said coldly and turned his back to his best friends,"I don't need love, or a relationship. It's all pointless." 

"Harry mate-" Liam tried saying something, but Harry interrupted him.

"I'm fine guys!" He said and got up leading them out of his apartment,"You don't need to worry about me, I'm totally okay! I'm great!" 

He looked at them and gave them a forced smile. 

Liam sighed,"Okay, but we'll be back in a few hours, we'll bring you some food because knowing you, you probably won't eat while you're all poetically sad and shit." 

"I'm not poetically sad what the fuck! Is that even a thing?!" Harry laughed.

"It clearly is mate!" Louis said and laughed as well. 

They talked with Harry for a few more minutes and then left. Harry got back into his apartment and closed the door behind himself. He sighed and sat at his dining table. He looked at the floor for a bit and then got up and went to his room again to write some more. He got a paper and wrote:

We ignore the ones who love us   
Love the ones who ignore us,  
Adore the ones who hurt us   
And hurt the ones who are there for us.

His thoughts were snapped with someone knocking on his door. He groaned knowing it was Liam and Louis.

"Oh for Christ sake!" He exclaimed and went to his door. 

As he opened it he was not only greeted with the faces of his two best friends, but also a familiar happy face of a blonde Irish boy. He froze looking at Liam and Louis.

"Hey mate! We ran into Niall, hope you don't mind if he tags along." Louis said and smirked at Harry.

Harry just looked at him and nodded as he let them in his apartment. They all sat at the dining table and Harry kept himself quiet. Every once in a while he would glance at Niall and think about the night they spent together.

"Niall I'm sorry about Harry, you see, when Harry is not drunk he doesn't talk much and it's very rude of him aye?" Louis said as he looked at Harry and kicked his leg under the table. 

Harry just looked back at him coldly,"Fuck off Louis." 

Niall laughed,"It's okay I'm not that talkative as well, I don't mind." He said and gave Harry a smile. 

Harry smiled back slightly and then looked away. After twenty minutes of mainly Louis and Liam talking together and Harry and Niall sometimes adding something, Louis started telling Liam how he needed him to help him do something and how they needed to leave. And Harry knew that he was doing this on purpose to leave him alone with Niall. So when Liam and Louis got up to leave, Harry got up as well and pulled Louis aside somewhere.

"I know what you're doing! Louis stop I don't want this!" He whispered and looked at Louis.

"Oh shut up Harry, it was obvious you wanted to talk to him! Now's your chance to do that." Louis responded and smiled at him.

Harry simply sighed at looked at Louis sadly, "Louis I really don't want this."

Louis rolled his eyes at the response and said,"Harry you're becoming distant from everyone again and you're getting bad. You know very well me and Liam wouldn't do something that would hurt you. C'mon please be nice to Niall."

Harry looked at him for a second and nodded his head. Little did he know that behind the wall Niall heard what they were talking about...

When Louis and Liam left, Harry sat across from Niall. 

"So...do you want something to drink or..?" Harry asked quietly and looked at Niall.

Niall shook his head,"No thank you, I'm good." He said and smiled.

A few moments passed in silence and then Niall couldn't take it anymore.

"Listen, I'm sorry that I left without saying anything a few days ago." He said.

"Oh, it's okay." Harry smiled and as he smiled he felt his heart break,"It was a one night stand, it's understandable to leave in the morning and-" 

"Are you sure? Because I've heard Louis earlier tell you something about wanting to talk to me so I thought maybe you wanted to talk about it." Niall said, got up from his chair and sat next to Harry.

Harry laughed lowly,"Nah, it's okay, Louis must've gotten something mixed up." 

"Oh" Niall responded in a quiet voice. 

They were again quiet for some time. Every once in a while one of them would lift their heads up and look at the other person, until they both looked up at the same time. Suddenly time for Harry stopped as he felt Niall press his lips against his. His eyes widened for a moment and just as Niall was about to pull away he put his hand on Niall's cheek, closed his eyes and kissed Niall back. After this things moved very fast. In one moment they were kissing and in the other they were on Harry's bed partially undressed, kissing so much it seemed like their lives depended on it. And after that they repeated the scene from that one night. A few hours passed and they were laying next to eachother, Harry was looking at the ceiling and Niall was looking at Harry. He smiled at the sight and moved his body closer to Harry's and kissed Harry's cheek. Harry turned his head towards Niall and pressed his lips against his. Niall smiled and layed his head on Harry's chest.

Harry sighed and looked down at Niall,"Listen, don't do this to me. I don't do love and you're only making me fall in love with you." He said lowly.

Niall looked up at him, placed his hand on Harry's cheek and rubbed it with his thumb gently,"Louis told me that you thought I didn't remember you a few days ago when you came into the café....that's not true I did remember you." He responded calmly and laughed a bit,"Who could forget a face like yours, and who could forget the man who left a poem for me too.." 

Harry smiled slightly,"You read it?" He asked.

Niall nodded,"Yeah, it's beautiful. Yanno I didn't know you could write poetry."

"Yeah I like writing, I want to release a book of my poems one day and become like a modern day Edgar Allen Poe." Harry said and laughed. 

"I like poetry, but you don't have to make it so dark." Niall added and kissed Harry softly.

"Have you ever seen a happy poet?" He responded.

"Ah right, Louis said you're like poetically sad or something." Niall laughed.

"Jesus why does everyone keep saying that!? Being poetically sad is not a thing!!" Harry exclaimed and laughed again.

Niall smiled at Harry and looked into his eyes,"You know, I never wanted that night to be a one night stand." 

"It clearly wasn't since here we are again in my bedroom..."Harry said smiling. 

"Then we should start doing this more often...I don't mean just fucking, I mean like we can talk sometimes and hang out.." Niall said while kissing Harry's neck.

Harry froze a bit,"You mean like be together?" 

Niall nodded and made a quiet mhm noise. Harry stayed quiet. He looked away and pushed Niall from his chest. He then got up and started getting dressed. Niall looked at him. 

"Harry where are you going?" He asked clearly confused.

Harry only took his cigarette pack and his jacket and started walking to the door,"I need to be alone." Harry said in a worried tone and then stormed out of his house. 

Niall quickly got dressed to go after him, but when he finished getting dressed Harry had already left. He took his phone and called Louis and explained to him what happened. In the matter of two minutes Louis and Liam were at Harry's apartment with Niall.

"I just asked him if he wanted to be a with me, like it's nothing serious, but he freaked out and left. Louis didn't you say he wanted to be with me?" Niall said kind of hurt.

Liam sighed,"Harry is like that, he may like you, but he will never admit it and instead of admitting it he runs away from it." He responded and dialed Harry's number and tried calling him.

Harry's phone started ringing at the table next to them which made Liam roll his eyes.

"Of course he didn't bring his phone." Louis said and groaned,"C'mon let's go find him. And by find him I mean go to the roof because he's probably there." 

Louis lived in the same building as Harry and he knew Harry went to the roof when he was upset, so they went up there and lo and behold, Harry was there, sitting and looking down at the light of his cigarette. 

Liam sighed,"You go back, I'll try and talk to him." 

Louis and Niall left, Liam walked to Harry and sat next to him.

"Why are you doing this to yourself constantly?" Liam shook his head and asked Harry.

"I told you a thousand times before, I don't want love and I don't need love." He responded quietly and looked at the city lights,"I just want to be alone." 

Liam sighed and got up,"Harry we just care about you, but fine you do you. If you keep pushing people out of your life, one day, they won't come back." He said and then left.

Harry looked down at his hands, pulled out another cigarette and lit it. He sat there for a while, smoking and just looking at the lights. His silence was broken with the sound of the roof door opening and steps walking to him. 

He rolled his eyes,"Louis I told Liam, I don't want to talk." He said and turned around. 

Instead of his best friend he saw Niall. He just stood there looking at Harry with a sad face. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes again, then he patted the empty space next to him indicating Niall to sit next to him. Niall sat down and looked down.

"Listen if you don't want to be with me just tell me..." Niall said quietly.

Harry kept himself quiet for a bit and then said,"It's not that, I'm just not the type of person for love. My heart doesn't feel love." 

Niall then reached for his pocket and pulled out a napkin with Harry's poem on it. He showed it to Harry and smiled,"I thought this was pretty romantic of you." 

Harry looked at it and smiled slightly,"You kept it?" 

Niall nodded,"It's the loveliest thing someone has ever done for me." 

Harry just smiled and looked away.

"Listen, Harry, if you don't know if we should be together, maybe we can just keep doing what we already are; hook up." Niall said, placed his hand on Harry's and softly held it. 

Harry looked down at their hands and squeezed Niall's hand tighter. That made Niall smile and he leaned in and kissed Harry's cheek...


	3. Three

Weeks passed and every few days Harry would get a late night text that a certain Irish boy is coming to his apartment. And Harry never said no to him coming because he enjoyed his presence. Often while Niall was sleeping Harry would write a poem about how blue his eyes are or how soft his touch is, but he soon realized that there were not enough words with which he could express his feelings for the blue-eyed boy.

"I would frame you and place you  
In the gallery of my dreams  
Allowing all dormant beings to see  
The infinity   
Cradled within you,  
Only you, all of you.  
And me."

Harry put down his pencil and sighed. He looked at the boy sleeping in his bed and then out of his window.

"Why am I doing this? Is he really worth it?", He mumbled to himself and lit his cigarette.

He stayed at the same spot for a while, just looking out of his window, thinking and binge smoking. He was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't notice the Irish boy sit next to him. Niall wrapped his arms around Harry's torso and kissed his shoulder. That made Harry snap out of his thoughts and he turned his head to Niall. Niall just smiled and pressed his lips against Harry's. He looked down at the paper in front of Harry and read the poem Harry wrote down.

"Is this meant for me?" Niall asked.

Harry just nodded,"They're all for you."

Niall giggled and got up while pulling Harry with him back on the bed. He then proceeded to kiss Harry on his face, neck, chest; practically all over. Harry just stood there looking at the ceiling, his face expressionless and emotionless. Niall lifted his head up and looked at Harry.

"What's wrong? Are you not in the mood?",Niall said.

Harry shook his head,"Yeah, sorry." He replied quietly.

Niall smiled and kissed Harry,"It's alright, I'm glad you're honest with me."

Niall laid next to Harry and hugged him as he drifted off to sleep again. Harry, again, just laid there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He wrapped his arm around Niall, pulling him closer to himself. And that's when he felt himself falling for Niall. For a long time, he didn't feel love at all, for Christ sake, he didn't feel emotions for a while as well. And now he's getting all of these feelings at once. He wanted to get away from it all, run away or hide, but he didn't. He couldn't. There was a force holding him back. And it was Niall. He was the one reason Harry wanted to stay, but also the reason he wanted to get away. In his mind, there was a constant battle over whether he should stay or leave. He got so used to his boring, yet to him fulfilling, life that anything different than that was too difficult for him to handle. But, on the other hand, his sort of relationship with Niall felt really good and like something he needed. With those thoughts, Harry fell asleep...

In the morning he woke up to the sound of cooking coming from his kitchen. He raised his eyebrow in confusion and got up to see what's going on. He walked into his kitchen and saw Niall making breakfast. As soon as Niall noticed him he smiled.

"Morning sleepy head," Niall said,"I was hungry and assumed you were too so I made us some breakfast."

Niall placed plates with pancakes on the table and two cups of coffee.

"Strong black right?" Niall laughed and winked at him.

That made Harry smile and he sat down,"Thanks for making this breakfast, you really didn't have to."

Niall giggled,"Oh please, it's no big deal for me. I make this every morning for myself so it doesn't take me long."

Niall sat across from Harry and sipped his coffee and watched Harry eat in silence.

"You are very very quiet Harry," Niall said,"I mean usually, not in the bedroom." Niall giggled and looked at Harry with a smirk.

Harry just smiled slightly and remained in his silence.

"I was thinking maybe we can go for a nice walk since it's Sunday and we're both free of work. After that we can go for lunch or something-" Niall started talking, but then Harry interrupted him.

"Listen, no offense, but I have my way of doing things and I don't like to break my order. For me to function normally it all needs to be the way I want it to, okay?" Harry said in a worried tone.

Niall laughed,"Yeah, but one day won't make a difference."

"Yes, it will! I've already ruined a part of my order by letting you in my life! I barely function now so please just don't break my way of doing things!" Harry said in a harsh tone which made Niall's adorable smile disappear.

Niall just nodded and continued eating his breakfast. After they finished eating breakfast Niall left after giving Harry a loving kiss.

When Niall left Harry closed the door and sighed. He closed his eyes and whined to himself.

"Why am I doing this to myself?! I'm perfectly fine on my own! Without anyone!" He said to himself even though deep down he knew he was lying.

A few hours later, while he was cleaning his room, someone walked into his house. It didn't take him long to realize who it was. Liam and Louis walked into his bedroom with big smiles on their faces.

"Oi oi Styles!" Louis exclaimed.

Harry groaned as soon as they sat on his bed,"No! No! No! I'm cleaning! Can't you see I'm cleaning!" Harry yelled out.

They just laughed at their best friend's state.

"C'mon mate chill! Tell us how's it going between you and Niall." Liam asked.

"Liam, didn't I already tell you because Niall told me?" Louis laughed and pushed Liam's arm.

"Yeah, but I gotta hear it from our favorite psychopath!" Liam laughed and winked at Harry who just gave them a cold look.

"Nothing is going on that should be your business! It's between me and Niall so keep your noses out of it!" Harry said as he couldn't help himself but laugh.

"Mate we can't, Niall told us everything!" Liam said.

Harry widened his eyes,"What the fuck?! Everything?!"

Louis laughed,"Eyo chill mate, he didn't tell us nothing about yours and his late night adventures."

Harry rolled his eyes,"Yeah, but what's going on in between me and Niall is none of your fucking business!"

Liam laughed,"Oh c'mon mate we're just messing with you. We want you to be happy."

"He's poetically sad Liam! That's a never ending pit of depression and despair!" Louis said in a dramatic tone as he laughed.

Harry laughed at that and sat next to his friends," One there is no such thing as being poetically sad!! And two, stop making fun of me and my mental shit! You know I can't control how I act!" Harry said and laughed.

Louis smirked and nudged Harry,"Oi you can't control how you act when you see Niall aye?"

Harry rolled his eyes and laughed,"You're both idiots so go! Leave! There is no place for idiots while I'm cleaning!"

They talked for a bit more and then finally Harry managed to make them leave. After quite some hours, he finished cleaning his room and rearranging most of the things in an order that he wanted, he decided to watch TV for a bit. After maybe thirty minutes he got a message from Niall.

N: Hey Harold, you home :) x

H: I am, but I'm not in the mood Niall, sorry.

N: That's okay, I can just come over and we can hang out.

H: No, I want to be alone. Plus this is going against the deal we made, we're just hook ups.

N: I thought you liked hanging out with me, I mean we had fun this morning together :(

H: You had fun Niall, I rarely ever have fun. Goodnight

N: It really irritates me how you act like some Mr. unreachable, but whatever good night.

Harry rolled his eyes and set his phone down. He sighed and continued watching TV. It didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep. He woke up a few hours later and then he turned off his TV and went to his bedroom. He took his phone to set an alarm and he saw he had missed messages from Louis.

L: Why are you ignoring Niall? He just wants to hang out with you, what's your problem?

L: Oh so you're going to ignore me too? Nice! I mean you could at least not ignore your best friend.

L: Just so you know, your "I'm sad leave me alone" state is pissing me off, mate. Soon enough Niall will get bored of it and leave and eventually me and Liam too.

L: Okay whatever. Ignore me. But don't bother talking to me tomorrow either. Bye.

Harry sighed and decided to reply to Louis.

H: Mate I'm not ignoring you, I fell asleep, you don't have to be rude to me lol  
*seen 3.25 am*

Harry groaned and got up from his bed. He walked out of his apartment and walked to Louis' that was a floor above. He knocked on his door and no one answered. Harry knocked again and nothing.

"Louis it's me, open the fucking door," Harry said.

Louis opened his door and looked at Harry with crossed arms.

"What do you want?" Louis said in an angry voice.

"First of all to come in." Harry replied and walked into Louis apartment," And second of all to talk about why you suddenly attacked me tonight?!" He laughed.

"I didn't attack you!" Louis said as he closed the door,"I just said what was on my mind and because someone has to tell you that."

Harry sighed,"Mate you know I'm not very social!"

"Yeah but you're hurting Niall's feelings!" Louis added.

"But if he comes over I'm hurting my own feelings!!" Harry said.

"Harry you like him for fuck's sake, just be with him already!" Louis groaned.

"No! Because I'll fuck it up again! I fuck I everything up!" Harry replied.

"Mate please stop with those self-deprecating comments!" Louis sighed and walked to Harry,"You need someone like Niall in your life, someone to help you get out of your annoying fucking order!"

Harry just nodded,"I'll think about it."

Louis smiled and after that Harry left, he got back to his apartment and sat by his bedroom window. He lit a cigarette and picked up his phone. He dialed Niall's number and pressed call.

There was some ringing and then he heard a quiet Irish accent say hello.

"Niall it's me, Harry."

"I know it's you, I'm not an idiot, your name is on the display." Niall laughed.

"Niall, we need to talk," Harry said quietly.

Niall sighed,"Yeah we do."

"Niall, what are we? What are we going to be? What am I to you?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, but to me, you are not just a hook up Harry.", Niall replied,"I like you a lot Harry."

"Then why did you leave?" Harry said.

"When?" Niall replied confused.

"The first night we ever hooked up, you left the next morning, before I woke up!" Harry exclaimed.

"I had work, plus I didn't know if you would like me when you're sober. So I just left. But when you came into the cafe and left me that poem, I knew you felt something for me too."Niall said,"Harry I'm falling in love with you. I love you."

There was silence on the other side of the phone, all you could hear were small breaths that Harry released as he would blow the smoke from his cigarette.

"Are you there?" Niall whispered quietly into the phone.

There was a short pause,"Yeah. I'm here."

"Say something to me, Harry, please."

"What do you want me to say?" Harry replied.

"Anything. That you love me. That you love me like I love you."

Harry inhaled and exhaled quietly.

"Of course I do. Of course, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts me every day." .....


	4. Four

"So this means we can be together?" Niall said with a hint of hope.

Harry took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I don't know, probably not. I'm not really the person who is good at relationships. I recommend you leave before you get hurt."

After saying that Harry quickly hung up the call and threw his phone on his bed behind him. He groaned in frustration and looked out of the window. He saw the boy from some nights ago, he was now alone and sitting on a bench in front of Harry's apartment building.

"I fucking knew it that they wouldn't last.", Harry mumbled to himself.

He got up from the window and walked to his kitchen to make himself some tea. He poured some tea in a cup along with some milk and took his mug. He went back to his room and sat at his desk. He knew very well he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight so he pulled out his notebook to try and write something;

Well, all my love is gone  
it has spilled out on the table  
and slid through the cracks  
now it's on the floor  
and never coming back  
I wish I could pick it back up  
but it is scared of my touch  
I miss it more and more every day   
It's hard not being able to explain how I feel about you  
when I can't feel my love anymore.

He sat at the same spot writing and reading until the light of the sunrise hit his face. He rubbed his eyes and got up from his desk. He then proceeded his everyday morning routine. He slacked this time though; he took way too much time smoking his first daily cigarette. After all of his wallowing in self-pity, he finally managed to get dressed and go to work. He didn't stop by the coffee shop today. He didn't think he could handle meeting Niall after what happened the night before. He went to the library and sat at his desk. The day went by fastly again. He checked out a bunch of books, he ordinated the objects on the desk by size and colour etc. When he finished his shift, he decided to go buy some takeout lunch for himself; he couldn't be bothered to cook today. He got out of the restaurant and walked down the street. He put headphones on his head and put some music on. He didn't really focus on what was around him, he practically walked home by memory, so it was like he blacked out and just focused on listening to his music. That clearly wasn't a good idea because he was soon snapped out of his thoughts when his face collided with the street lamp.

"Fuck.", he hissed and held his nose.

He kicked the street lamp,"Fuck you!", Harry yelled out in anger which earned him a few confused glances and giggles from strangers passing by.

He sighed out in frustration when a hipster looking boy walked to him.

"Are you okay?" the boy laughed and asked.

Harry laughed a bit,"Yeah, I'm fine, no worries." he said.

The boy smiled at Harry,"I'm sorry if this will seem creepy, but can I get your number? You seem really cute."

Harry looked at him for a second and stopped smiling,"Uh-um no thank you?", he blurted out fastly suddenly his social awkwardness hitting him.

He just looked down and fastly walked away, leaving the boy looking confused and offended.

Harry walked to his apartment fastly and got into his apartment, after which he immediately closed and locked his door. He sighed since he was pretty unsatisfied with his awkward outbursts in social situations. He tried to forget about it by taking a cold shower. After getting out of the shower and putting on some clean clothes he already felt better. He always did this when something bad happened, it made him feel like he washed all the bad away. He sat at his dining table and ate his lunch in silence that was broken by the sound of a text message from Liam.

Hey mate, me and Lou are going to the pub tonight wanna come? Maybe Niall will be there too ;)

*seen 4.53 pm*

Oi? Harold? Where you at?

*seen 5.01 pm*

Harry tried ignoring his friend's messages, but soon enough he started receiving calls. After three missed calls, Harry finally decided to pick up.

"What is it, Liam?", Harry said in a cold tone.

"You wanna come with Lou and me tonight?" Liam laughed.

"No, thank you. I think I'll have an early night tonight. Didn't sleep much last night."Harry replied in the same cold tone.

"Oh...can me and Lou come over now? We want to hang out!"Liam said.

"I don't know Liam, my house is a mess and-" Harry tried saying, but Liam interrupted him.

"We don't care. We are coming over. See ya!!"

Harry set his phone down and sighed as he waited for his friends to arrive.

In the matter of three minutes, there was already a knock on his door. He got up and opened the door to see his two best friends smiling and laughing.

"OI MATE! What happened to your face?! Got hit by a truck?!" Louis laughed pointing at the dark circles around Harry's eyes and now the blue bruise on his nose.

"No, I slammed my head into a street lamp," Harry said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

And that made Liam and Louis lose it. Harry rolled his eyes, but soon enough the laughing of his friends made him smile and laugh too.

Liam and Louis got into Harry's apartment and sat on his couch.

"Damn mate, have you ever considered cleaning? This whole place smells like stale cigarettes and alcohol." Liam laughed.

"Sorry, I didn't feel like cleaning it today, plus my cleaning day is only on Sunday and Wednesday so..." Harry said and sat next to them.

"You should try to break out of your lil organized, routine bubble." Liam said,"It's way too complicated."

"It's complicated for your pretty little brains, not mine," Harry replied.

"EY! Liam!! Did he just call us stupid?!?" Louis yelled out.

"No, I did not. It's just that my routine is way too strange for you two to figure it out. So let it be." Harry said and gave them a slight, arrogant smile.

They talked a bit about what they did that day and after that, they stayed in silence for a bit...until Liam decided to break the silence with a topic quite uncomfortable for Harry.

"So, where is Niall?" Liam asked and looked at Harry with a smirk.

Harry looked away and sighed,"Don't know. At home maybe. At work? I don't know."

"How do you not know? Aren't you two like dating now?" Louis added into the conversation.

"WE ARE NOT DATING! WE NEVER DATED AND NEVER WILL! I DO NOT WANT TO DATE! I DO NOT NEED TO DATE! LOVE IS JUST A CHEMICAL DEFECT FOUND IN THE LOSING SIDE! JUST A DANGEROUS DISADVANTAGE! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY! SHUT UP!" Harry yelled at the top of his lungs, his face practically red from anger that came as soon as love was even present in his thoughts.

Liam and Louis just stood there with their mouths partially open, shocked from what they just heard. They looked at each other and then at Harry. Liam placed his hand on Harry's thigh.

"Did you take your medication today?" He said in a slightly worried tone.

And that's when it crossed the line for Harry. Without even thinking he punched his best friend in the jaw. Louis gasped and before he even got the chance to say anything Harry hit Liam again, this time even harder. Liam wanted to get up to get away from Harry's punches, but just as he was doing that Harry punched his lower stomach which made Liam fall down to his floor and hold his stomach in pain. As Harry was about to hit him again, Louis pushed him away and grabbed his arms stopping him.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! STOP HURTING HIM!" Louis yelled as he went to Liam and helped him get up.

Harry was looking at both of them and breathing heavily. He was clenching his fist and he looked down seeing now bruised blood covered knuckles. The bad thing was that the blood was not his, but rather Liam's.

Louis just shook his head in disappointment as both of them looked back at him," Mate, I always knew you were kind of crazy, but I didn't know you were crazy to the point where you would hurt the only people in your life." Louis said and with that, he and Liam left Harry's apartment.

Harry stayed at the same spot for hours, just looking at the floor with a blank expression. When the room started to get too dark, since there was no more sun outside, he got up and turned on the lights. He sighed and decided to go take a bath. He took his cigarettes and then he went to his bathroom. He filled his bathtub with warm water and after taking off his clothes, he got in. He binge smoked until there were no more cigarettes left and after that, he got out of the bath. He put on just some sweatpants to sleep in and went to his room. He took his phone to see if maybe Liam or Louis messaged him.

0 missed messages   
0 missed calls

He sighed and decided to text his boss to tell him that he won't be coming to work tomorrow. He decided to play the "I'm sick" excuse because explaining how he wants to die because he mutilated his best friend's face with his fist was way too much work. He set his phone down and laid back on his bed. As he was just about to doze off, he got a message. He took his phone and saw it was from Niall.

N: Hey, Louis told me what happened. He wanted me to tell you that he and Liam want to take a break from hanging out with you. He said that they will be your friends again one day, but that it's just too much right now... sorry :/

H: I assumed... thanks for telling me though xx

N: no no thank YOU. Thank you for calling your feelings for me a chemical defect.....

H: It's complicated how I feel Niall, I didn't mean anything offensive to you when I said it.

N: You were right...I should've left earlier...before I got hurt.

H: I'm sorry.   
*seen 0.43 am*

Harry put his phone back in the same spot and looked up at the ceiling. He slowly felt his heart break. He felt his heart break because he broke the hearts of the only people that were in his life.

Soon enough he found himself silently crying. Crying as he longed for the days when he felt happy and when he could feel love and give love.

The thing that made Harry the damaged person he is right now, was the unhappy ending of what to Harry felt like the only love of his life.

While Harry was in college he met a boy that was the perfect boy for him. They fit each other like puzzle pieces and were each other's better half. They were together for years, they had plans for their future together, it all seemed like a fairy tale. Until one day the recreational drugs and alcohol Harry would sometimes use, became abused. One night Harry's boyfriend and he had a huge fight, which led to Harry's boyfriend leaving the house to go for a ride to clear his head. And the ride ended up being his last.

After his boyfriend's death, Harry's life went into a downwards spiral. The constant feeling of guilt could not be washed away with getting drunk and it couldn't be pushed away by getting high. It could not be avoided by isolation and it never left Harry's mind. Insomniac nights became a common thing to him and even though Kurt Cobain sang that with the lights out it was less dangerous, to Harry, it was a nightmare. To cope with the nightmare he got high, one night he got too high and if Liam didn't come over in the morning, it probably would've been Harry's last night.

That night led to rehab and countless therapies followed by countless medication. Harry promised Liam and Louis to stay clean and Liam and Louis promised to stay by his side forever no matter what.

And now, not only one promise was broken. Two were. Harry's arm pulsed and ached as a needle broke through the soft skin as his eyes closed in a hope that this would be the last time they did....


	5. Five

But thankfully, that was just not going to happen. No matter how much he wanted to leave, the amount of "Poison" that was in his body was simply not enough to kill him. It just gave him the ability to be numb, and maybe, for now, that was enough.

The next morning he woke up with a throbbing pain in his head. He groaned and rubbed his eyes once the harsh sunlight hit his face. He reached his hand to his phone and looked at the time.

*11.34 am*

He sighed and set the phone back where it was. He got up and decided to go make himself some breakfast. As he got up the pressure in his head got worse. He was so dizzy he could barely walk, but he somehow managed to wobble into the kitchen. He put the kettle on for his tea, leaned against the wall and closed his eyes in pain. It's been a while since he relapsed so it came as sort of a shock for his body. He stayed there for a while with his eyes closed, practically sleeping, until he was awoken by the sound of the water in the kettle boiling. He poured himself some tea and took some toast too.

 

He sat at his dining table and ate his breakfast in silence. A few minutes later the silence was broken by the sound of his phone ringing. He sighed and just ignored it. When it stopped ringing, he went back to eating his breakfast. A few minutes later he heard his phone ringing again. He just rolled his eyes and again tried to pretend he didn't hear anything.

When he finished his breakfast he went back to his room and see who called him. As soon as he picked up his phone, he got a text. It was from Niall.

N: Hey, sorry if I woke you up with my calls. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for reacting the way I did last night. I was just a bit hurt.

H: It's alright.

N: Also Louis, asked me to check on you haha. Funny how he doesn't want to talk to you, but yet he still wants people to make sure you're okay.

H: I'm fine.

N: Louis is very nice, I know he won't stay mad at you for long. I've known Louis for a long time.

H: Yeah, me too. Definitely longer than you have. We grew up together... so I know he probably won't talk to me for a while.

N: Well you always have me. :)

N: I have to go now, I'm at work. But come by the cafe and I'll hook you up with a free coffee ;)

H: Thank you, but I have to decline the offer.

N: I'll give you a free cupcake as well ;)

H: You won't stop until I come, will you?

N: Nope. :)

*seen 12,13*

Harry put his phone down and decided to go, he could really use a coffee right now. He put on a hoodie and some jeans and wobbled his way out of the door. He walked strangely, unable to keep his balance as he would accidentally bump into a stranger who would give him a strange look. When he walked into the cafe his eyes met with familiar blue ones. Niall gave him a small smile as Harry walked to him.

Niall laughed as Harry approached, "Good day sir, what would you like to order?"

Harry laughed a bit too, "I don't care, just give me my damn coffee. I even got dressed for this."

Niall smiled and poured Harry some coffee.

Harry took the cup and mouthed a small thanks. He turned around and went to sit at one of the tables.

Niall followed him and sat across of him.

"I'll spend my break with you.", he said.

Harry just smiled and sipped his coffee.

"Why are your eyes so red? Are you high or something?", Niall joked.

Harry laughed a bit nervously,"I fell asleep really late, I'm just tired."

Niall laughed as well,"Chill, I'm just messing with you. A quiet, polite boy like you would never do drugs."

Harry just smiled and nodded as he sipped his coffee.

"Louis told me everything that happened last night you know?", Niall said.

Harry sighed,"I assumed since you knew what I said about my feelings for you."

Niall looked at Harry,"You sure you're okay? I mean, Louis and Liam are your best friends, no offense, but your only ones too. And I don't think I could call myself a friend..."

Harry nodded and smiled slightly,"I'm fine."

"Listen,", Niall said,"I don't know what you consider me to be, but if you ever need someone, I'm here for you."

Harry smiled and set down his coffee cup,"Thank you."

"Louis said that Liam is gonna be okay, even though he is pretty bruised all over his face and body.", Niall said.

"Oh, thank god. I did hit him pretty hard.",Harry sighed.

Niall looked at Harry pitifully,"I know you're a good person Harry...but it's still wrong to hit your best friend."

Harry nodded and looked down,"I have to go.", he said as he quickly got up.

Niall raised his eyebrow confused,"But you just got here like five minutes ago?"

"I know, sorry.... I have something to do. Thanks for the coffee though.", Harry mumbled fastly and got out of the cafe.

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He clicked on the contact that once was way too familiar to him. A part of him knew he shouldn't be doing this, but the other part of him craved this. He quickly typed a text and pressed send. He put his phone in his pocket and took out his wallet. He contemplated whether this was a good idea or not, but last night it helped him calm down and made him forget. So he pulled out some money and then he got a text. It was an address and an amount of money. He sighed and went to the agreed location. He paid and the guy gave him what he wanted. Harry then went home and locked the door after getting inside. He went to his room and sat at his desk. Then he set the "things" he got on the table and he grabbed his notebook and as he was lifting it up, a photograph fell out of it. He sighed and picked it up. It was a Polaroid of him and his ex-boyfriend;

They were hugging and looking at the camera while smiling happily. He remembers that Louis took this photo and that it was on Harry's birthday. All of his friends were there, which was mainly just Louis and Liam, but they were enough for him. He remembers that that night, he and his boyfriend planned to be together forever, that they would one day run away somewhere far and get married. That they would live happily ever after. But two weeks after that, his boyfriend lost his life. And all of their dreams remained just dreams, and Harry's, once whole, heart, was now shattered into a billion pieces.

Harry felt his heart break and ache all over again as a tear rolled out of his eye and down his cheek. Harry pressed the photograph against his chest as he started sobbing heavily. He doesn't cry often, but when he does, he can't stop. He put the photograph on the table next to him and he tried to wipe away his tears. His hands were shaking frantically and he stretched out his hand in front of himself. He grabbed a ribbon and tied it around the muscle above his elbow, he tapped his inner forearm trying to find a vein. When he saw the blue vein protruding out of his arm he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He shook the needle in his hand a bit and then pressed it to the vein.

He took a deep breath as he pushed the needle through his soft, pale skin and he exhaled as he injected the "poison", that he intensely craved, into his body. He put the needle back down on his table and opened his eyes. He looked at the photograph laying on his desk again and he felt a single tear roll down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and opened his notebook. He felt the sudden rush of adrenaline run through his body, he knew that it was working and just like that he felt himself slowly get hooked on the feeling again.

He clicked his pen a few times as his rushing mind struggled to come up with any sentences.

I remember the nights,  
you and I would lie in the grass,  
staring at the stars in the night sky   
and you would pluck each star   
and place them in your hair  
and I swear to god the sky was envious   
that her children looked more beautiful  
in your hair than in her arms.

He set the pen down after he wrote the short poem. His heart was beating fastly and his breathing was just as fast. He rubbed his now blood red eyes and tried to steady his breathing. Harry opened his eyes and looked out of the window, he leaned his head onto his hand and just stayed there looking at the busy street. He took a cigarette, lit it and blew the smoke slowly. He felt like his body was in slow motion even though his mind was rushing like a machine. Various thoughts went through his mind ranging from what has he come to, to his ex, to Liam and Louis and lastly to Niall. And after that, his thoughts only remained about Niall. About the nights they spent together, about his eyes, about his smile, his laugh...everything.

I've met someone  
Who can control my heart  
In the way, it beats  
Who can bring me love  
With a charming smile  
Who can show me death  
Upon leaving me...  
He is the scariest, yet the most beautiful thing.

He wrote another simple, yet meaningful poem. He looked up and saw that the sun was already setting, he must have been in his mind for a while. His head felt heavy and his body was still shaking as it craved for something more. Not drugs, but a person. He quickly picked up his phone and dialed Niall's number.

"Hello Harold.", a happy voice answered from the other side.

"Come over to my apartment. Now. I need you, Niall.", Harry said in a low, deep, drunken like voice.

Niall laughed,"Woah, okay. Eager, aren't you?", he said,"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Harry hung up the phone while Niall was still talking and took the opportunity to relapse once more. He did the same thing he's done earlier except this time he was thinking about Niall and how one person brought disorder into his organized life. He set the needle down and closed his eyes while he breathed in and out. He leaned his head back and enjoyed the feeling he used to feel a while ago. He stayed like that for a few minutes until his doorbell rang. He got up and what felt like a wave of dizziness hit him. He shook his head a bit trying to focus his vision, but the whole room looked like it was spinning. He slowly stumbled to the door and opened it while almost tripping over himself. Niall looked at him confused and walked in.

"Hey, Niall.", Harry said slowly while smiling slightly.

"Are you drunk?", Niall asked as he tried to steady Harry to prevent him from falling.

"No! I'm not drunk, I'm fine.", Harry said and looked at Niall while trying to maintain a serious tone and face.

Niall raised his eyebrow and looked back at Harry,"Okay, you're clearly drunk. You need to lay down or you'll fall."

Niall put Harry's arm around his shoulders and helped Harry get to his bed.

"I am not drunk!", Harry mumbled as Niall sat him down on the bed.

Niall laughed,"How come is your room a mess?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and looked up at Niall. He then reached his hand out and grabbed Niall's arm pulling him towards himself and making Niall straddle him. Niall squealed because of the unexpected action. Harry grabbed Niall's face and kissed him harshly. Niall moaned quietly and placed his hand on top of Harry's hand. He broke the kiss and looked into Harry's eyes. Harry looked back at him the same way and they just stayed like that for a while.

"You have beautiful eyes.", Harry mumbled quietly.

Niall smiled slightly and sighed. He caressed Harry's face with his thumb and pressed his lips against Harry's forehead.

"You're drunk, and that means we can't have sex. It's not actual consent.", Niall said and laughed lowly.

Harry smiled slightly and nodded as he hugged Niall tightly.

"I hurt you so much, yet you still didn't kick me out of your life.", Harry said.

"Love is sometimes painful...", Niall added and hugged Harry back, not letting him go.

"I love you, Niall, I really do.", Harry sighed,"But I can't be with you. I just can't."

"Why Harry? Why can't we be together?", Niall asked while looking at Harry sadly.

"I promised my ex-boyfriend I would love him forever. I can't love someone else.", Harry said while his voice cracked as he tried not to cry.

Niall laughed lowly," Harry once you break up with a person, it's over. Like I get you may have loved him but you broke up and it's over."

"But we didn't break up, we never had the chance to. I wish we broke up because then he wouldn't be dead because of me.", Harry replied weakly while starting to silently cry.

Niall felt his heart sink into his chest and he hugged Harry again,"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

Harry cried harder into Niall's chest,"I miss him so much. It's my fault he's gone. It's my fault."

Niall rubbed Harry's back trying to calm him down,"Harry there is no way it could be your fault."

"It is! If we didn't have a fight, none of that would have happened.", Harry cried out,"The guilt is eating me alive, I can't take it!"

"Harry you're just drunk, people often get sensitive when they're drunk. Maybe you should just go to sleep okay? We can talk tomorrow.", Niall said trying to calm Harry down.

"I'm not fucking drunk! I'm fucking high as a kite because I want to be numb and stop thinking about him, but I can't because now I keep constantly thinking of you and that reminds me how I'm not loving him as much because I'm in love with you!", Harry yelled out fastly barely keeping track of his words.

Niall looked at Harry blankly,"What? You're high?", he said as he looked at him more seriously now.

He looked at Harry up and down noticing his glassy, red eyes and the dark circles around them. He looked down his body seeing his shaking arms that had a few purple holes around the upper part of the forearm. But right when he was about to say something Harry interrupted him.

Harry shook his head and pushed Niall off of him,"Nothing, just go."

He got up and stumbled a bit as he pushed Niall towards the door,"I shouldn't have called you over. I'm sorry I'm such a mess of a person."

Niall tried to say something, but soon enough he was at the door and Harry was having trouble getting the key into the key hole. Niall just stood there looking at him with a worried expression. Finally, when Harry opened the door and almost tripped again, he let Niall get out. Niall just walked out slowly still looking at Harry the same way.

"You sure you don't want me to stay?",Niall looked at Harry intensely,"You don't look so good."

"I'll be fine.", Harry said while wiping the remaining tears from his face,"I'm fine."

Niall just nodded and Harry closed the door leaving Niall confused and worried for the well being of his "lover" or "friend" or whatever he was to him.

He texted Louis to see if he was home.

N: Hey Louis, are you home?

L: Yup me and Liam are hanging out, why?

N: I was just at Harry's place, I wanna talk to you about something.

L: Ugh, okay whatever...

Niall went to Louis' apartment and knocked on the door. In a few seconds, Louis opened the door and let him in.

"So you and Harry hooked up again, didn't you?", Louis said.

"Well...almost but not really.", Niall said in a slightly sad tone.

"But, I think something is wrong with Harry.", Niall added in a serious tone and Liam and Louis looked at him confused.

"What do you mean something is wrong with him? He's Harry, he's always acting strangely.", Liam said.

"No, I mean something is seriously wrong, I think he could be in danger.", Niall said again in the same serious tone and looked at them with a worried face...


	6. Six

Louis looked back at him with a serious face,"What do you mean in danger? What did he do?"

Niall sat down on the couch next to Liam,"Well first, this morning he came to the cafe. He looked very sick, I mean he's not sick, he just looked very pale and tired. When I asked if he was okay, he said he was. Then this evening he called me and he sounded very strange, like not the usual strange. When I came over, he could barely walk and he was stumbling all over the place. I assumed he was too drunk to function...so since drunken consent is technically not consent, I decided using him in this state would be stupid and I took him to bed. Then he ended up pulling me down with him and kissing me, but that didn't last long because he suddenly started telling me he loves me, but can't be with me because he promised his ex to love him forever so he can't do that. He then told me his ex died! Did you guys know that?!", Niall said sadly and all in one breath.

Both Liam and Louis nodded,"Yeah we did.", Louis said,"Harry and Josh were together since the first year of college. So not only was he Harry's boyfriend, he was one of our best friends. We were devastated when he died, but not as devastated as Harry was. Harry was completely crushed by his death."

Niall sighed sadly,"Wait there is more. We talked for a bit more and he kept crying and repeating how it's his fault that happened. After I told him he was overreacting because he was probably sensitive because he was drunk, he proceeded to tell me he was actually high. And then I noticed his eyes were even redder than this morning and he had fucking needle holes in his arms. Like first I thought 'okay, marijuana? no big deal.' but when I saw that, I kind of got worried.",Niall said again very quickly like he was getting something heavy off of his chest,"I mean if it's something serious he can die."

Liam and Louis stood there frozen looking at each other and then at Niall.

Liam said in a serious tone," Niall, tell me if you're messing with us. Because if you're not, this will not be fucking good."

"I am serious. I'm not making any of this up.", Niall added.

"Shit.", Liam said and got up," Lou, he's doing it again."

Niall looked at them confused,"What is this about?"

"When Harry was dating Josh, he kind of did a lot of bad things involving drugs which lead to the big fight him and Josh had before Josh died... and after he died it got even worse, it got so bad that one night Harry overdosed and almost died. We are pretty much the only people Harry has in his life and we helped him get sober", Liam said with a loud sigh," He was sober for over a year...clearly not anymore."

They stood in silence for a bit.

Then Liam groaned,"Ah for fuck's sake, cmon let's go, we need to see what's up with him Louis."

Louis looked at him,"No, we don't Liam. I mean yeah I am worried too, but do you want him to go all aggressive on you again?!"

Liam sighed,"But Lou, he's our best fucking friend. And we can't let him do this again!"

"Nothing will happen to him! He's a grown man, he can take care of himself. He doesn't need us to babysit him!", Louis spat back at Liam angrily.

Liam just crossed his arms and sat down next to Louis again,"We may be angry, but I think his health and well being is more important than that."

"Liam you know very fucking well if we go there he will kick us out like he always does. There is no point in that.", Louis responded.

Niall just stood there looking at them,"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you guys this."

Louis sighed and changed his tone to his usual, soft voice,"No, It's good you told us...but we shouldn't probably try reasoning with him while he's high. It will lead to nowhere."...

Harry was in his room, sitting at his desk again and looking out of the window with tears in his eyes. He looked down at the photograph that was still on the table and picked it up. He wiped away his tears and sighed. He felt himself slowly sober up and notice what a mess he made himself to be in only a day. His mind was filling with thoughts again, it didn't stop on anything until he thought of Niall and now, again, Niall was the only thing on his mind. Harry looked at the photograph one last time before tucking it in his notebook. He opened his notebook to an empty page and took a pen from the side of the table.

"You were my first love,  
And you always will be.  
But I don't collapse for you  
Like I used to  
And I never will again;  
Thanks to a pair of blue eyes   
And a smile."

Harry looked at the words he wrote one more time and smiled a bit. He lifted his head up and looked out of the window. And that's when he saw Niall walk out of the building, hands in his pockets and headphones in his ears. He sat on one of the benches in front of the building, pulled his phone out and then did something on it. Then Harry's phone beeped signaling a message which made Harry's head ache from the sudden sound. But he still took his phone and saw a message from Niall.

N: Hey you feeling better? Less dizzy?

Harry went to type the message, but the letters just kept mixing in his eyes. 

H: I don't kNow,. hAvEN't moVed much.. WhEn I'm siTtINg or nOt movinG mUch I feEl fINe hAha

N: Lol clearly you're not... You want me to come over maybe? Make sure you don't choke on your puke in your sleep or something? Can that even happen?

H: I doN't know lmAO it nEVevr happenEd beFoRe

N: I'm kidding, just go to sleep. Drop by the cafè tomorrow before work, I'll hook you up with another free coffee ;) 

Harry smiled at the text and looked out of the window to see Niall smiling to himself as well. Then he put his phone in his pocket again, got up and walked away.

Harry got up, leaning himself slightly against his chair to help himself stand. He stumbled to his bed and just let himself fall down on it. He took his phone and set an alarm. He shoved his phone aside and fell asleep immediately after. It took him very little effort to fall asleep tonight, too many things happened today and he wanted to just sleep...

In the morning he was woken up by the loud ringing of his phone. He groaned and turned off the alarm by slapping his phone. He opened his eyes and again flinched as the sun light hit them. He got up, still feeling a bit dizzy, but at least he was able to walk somewhat okay.

He then proceeded to follow his everyday morning routine and he pretended like all of the bad things he did yesterday just didn't happen. After he got dressed and made himself look relatively decent, Harry took his phone and got out of the house. Harry got in the elevator and guess who was already in it? Louis. Louis looked at him and then looked away. Harry walked in and pressed the ground floor button. He looked at Louis and sighed.

"So you're not even going to say hi to me from now on?", Harry said quietly.

Louis just stayed silent and didn't even budge.

Harry sighed again and shrugged his shoulders,"I'll take that as a no." He added and got out of the elevator as the door opened. While walking he tried his best to not trip or do anything embarrassing, he was trying to act chill and cool in front of Louis. Even though Louis probably noticed he wasn't either of those things.

He got out of the building and proceeded to walk down the street to the cafe. He walked inside and was greeted with a warm smile from across the room, behind the bar. He walked to Niall and smiled.

"Morning, mr.Styles.", Niall laughed,"What can I get for you?"

Harry smiled back and internally sighed in relief because Niall is pretending he doesn't remember last night or at least he's not mentioning it.

"The usual, please.", Harry replied.

Niall smiled,"Coming right up."

He turned around and started making the coffee. Harry looked at him and smiled again. He kind of felt himself grow closer and closer to Niall...fall for him too, just fall for him harder and harder.

Niall gave Harry his cup and smiled again,"Enjoy your goddamn coffee Harry, drink less of it, you're clearly shaking too much."

Harry looked at his hand that was shaking quite bad and he laughed,"Yeah sorry, I'm just nervous I guess..... I mean I'm not nervous. I'm just...me I don't know. What am I saying?!" Harry kept mumbling stuff to himself which made Niall laugh again.

'God did that boy have a beautiful laugh' Harry thought, 'I wish I could listen to it every day.'

"Wanna come over to my place tonight? I heard that some band is playing there.", Harry mumbled fastly, not really listening to a word he's saying. Partially from the high haze and partially from Niall's presence. 

Niall laughed loudly,"A band is playing in your apartment?"

Harry widened his eyes realizing what he just said,"Um...yeah whatever band we want. We can listen to music." He said quickly, trying to get himself out of the embarrassment he put himself into.

Niall just smiled and nodded,"I'll be over at around eight. Please be your regular weird self, last night kind of freaked me out."

Harry stopped smiling and just nodded. Before walking away, Niall gave him a little wink which made him smile again. And with that idiotic smile he went to work.

He again did the same things he always does, but today, work went by pretty quickly.

As he was walking home, headphones in his ears, his phone beeped that he got a message. It was an 'unknown number', but it was pretty known to Harry.

X:Need more tonight? 

Harry looked at the text for a second and then he remembered Niall was coming over which made him quickly reply a simple answer.

H: Not tonight, maybe tomorrow.

He put his phone back in his pocket and went home. When he got in his apartment he started cleaning. He had to make it look presentable since Niall was coming over, even though when Niall came over last night and the house was also a mess, Niall didn't say anything, but still Harry cringed at the mere thought of things not being in order. Clearly when he was sober his mind was back at it's strange, obsessive state. 

He was so preoccupied with cleaning that he didn't Niall notice walk into his apartment. Harry was running from room to room and Niall stood there for a bit, just staring at him. 

"Harold? You alright?", Niall laughed and went to sit on a chair. 

Harry ran towards him,"NO! WHY ARE YOU ALREADY HERE?!"

Niall sat down and laughed,"Um... I said I'd come over at around eight... It's eight thirty now."

Harry looked at his phone and saw it was later than he thought,"Oh... I thought it was maybe like five or six."

Niall laughed again,"Oh wow I see you really are back to your old self hm?"

Harry laughed nervously,"What do you mean? I'm always the same."

Harry went into the kitchen and put the kettle on for the tea. Niall got up and followed him. He looked at him with a serious face.

"Are you really gonna pretend like last night didn't happen?", Niall said sadly. 

Harry nodded and poured the tea into cups,"Pretty much." 

He gave Niall one cup, leaned against the kitchen counter and sipped his tea.

Niall sighed,"Harry I told Louis and Liam..."

Harry froze with his cup still leaning onto his mouth. He moved it away and gulped.

"Oh fuck me.", Harry groaned,"Niall do you have to go and tell them EVERYTHING that me and you fucking do or everything I tell you!?"

Niall looked at Harry serious,"Louis was angry, but he said that you're not a child and they won't babysit you, so don't fucking worry about them coming here for you. Also EXCUSE ME for trying to help you."

"I don't need help. I'm fine, it just happened like one time and that's it.", Harry said leaving the kitchen and trying to avoid this conversation.

"Are you sure it happened once? They told me about you doing this in the past.", Niall kept talking while following Harry.

"WHY IS THIS ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?! I MAY BE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND WE MAY HAVE FUCKED LIKE A COUPLE OF TIMES, BUT I BARELY FUCKING KNOW YOU SO STOP SHOVING YOUR NOSE INTO MY PERSONAL LIFE!", Harry yelled out angrily towards Niall.

Niall looked at him in shock and took one step back.

"Harry what has gotten into you? Why are you so angry at me all of a sudden?", Niall asked in a quiet tone.

Harry was clenching his fists and breathing heavily,"NOTHING HAS GOTTEN INTO ME! THIS IS JUST WHAT I'M LIKE! I'M ALWAYS LIKE THIS!" 

Niall walked towards Harry slowly and placed his hand on Harry's arm,"Harry. Calm down."

As he said that he looked at Harry who looked back at him as his expression slowly softened. Harry's breathing steadied and Niall sighed in relief because he got Harry to calm down. Niall came closer and hugged Harry. Harry didn't move. 

"Don't get angry with me, I was just trying to help you.", Niall said in a warm and calm tone.

Harry pulled away from Niall hug,"I know...Sorry. I kinda have anger issues I guess.", Harry replied.

Niall smiled a bit and took Harry's hand,"Hm, I think I know something that can help you calm down." 

After saying that he pulled Harry's arm and dragged him into his bedroom. He pushed Harry on his bed and sat on his lap. 

"I mean, this is something that calms us normal people down, I don't know about aliens like you.", Niall laughed and slowly kissed Harry. 

Harry smiled a bit into the kiss and looked at Niall,"Who says you're normal? If I'm attracted to you so much there has to be something distinct about you."

Niall smiled again,"Yanno that sounds weird, but I'll take it as a compliment."

He gently cupped Harry's face and kissed him again. Harry pulled Niall closer and kissed him back. For the first time in a while he actually felt like kissing someone.

"And by the way, I don't think you're as weird as people think you are. I think you're just hurt.", Niall said quietly while unbuttoning Harry's shirt.

Harry laughed,"Or maybe I am just weird." 

Niall laughed again and looked into Harry's eyes,"Well I don't think you're THAT weird... a bit? Yes. But I like it. You're unique."

"I'm a poet Niall, what do you expect?", Harry pulled Niall down and kissed him. 

"I don't know, I expected a dark and mysterious man like Edgar Allen Poe. Not a sulky, drug-addicted cutie pie.", Niall said with an adorable smirk on his face.

Harry rolled his eyes,"Weren't we supposed to be listening to the apparent band playing in my apartment and not have sex.", he added and laughed,"And I'm not a drug addict."

"Well... a) you kind of are and b) wouldn't you rather let me make you feel good than listen to some shitty indie band that you'd probably play on your laptop?", Niall asked while biting his lip.

Harry smirked slightly,"Hm.. difficult question. But I must admit you do sound pretty tempting." 

Niall laughed a bit,"That's what I thought so.", he said confidently.

Niall pressed his lips against Harry's again and that ended up being one of the many kisses exchanged that night. And that night Harry actually wanted to...no...he needed to be kissed by Niall. Just like he craved that most of the nights, but only that night he finally admitted it to himself. And just like that, he let himself completely fall for Niall. His heart was still broken and empty, but a night like that, with Niall, made his seemingly unfixable heart feel a little bit of hope, that one day, it will be whole again...


	7. Seven

Night passed and the morning came. The soft morning sun came in through the window and woke Niall up. He yawned and stretched his arms a bit. He lifted his head up and looked at the man sleeping next to him. Harry's face seemed so soft and calm, like there was nothing bothering his golden heart. Niall smiled at the sight and kissed Harry's bare chest which made Harry open his eyes. Niall kissed Harry softly and Harry kissed back.

"Morning sleepy head.", Niall whispered. 

Harry smiled and looked at Niall,"Morning."

Niall kissed Harry's cheek and then got up from the bed. He took Harry's shirt from the floor and put it on. It was huge on him and it ended on the middle of his thighs. Niall looked at Harry, who was staring intensely at him, and smirked. He walked out of the room and went down to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Harry got up as well and he went into his bathroom to take a quick shower. The water fell down his head and his body. He closed his eyes and just let the water run over his body. He felt heavy in his chest today, he knew it was gonna be one of the really bad days, but all he could do was just try to get through the day without doing anything bad.

Harry opened his eyes and when he slightly turned his head, he saw Niall looking at him from the door.

He laughed,"Stop staring at me, what do you want?" 

Niall laughed as well,"Nothing I just like looking at you."

"That sounds so wrong Niall, so creepy and strange. Please stop and let me shower.", Harry added and laughed again.

Niall rolled his eyes playfully,"Whatever... I am making breakfast, when you finish up join me." 

Harry nodded and waited for Niall to leave. He finished his shower, got dressed into just some sweatpants and walked to the dining table where Niall was eating breakfast. When he saw Harry he smiled and slid a cup of coffee across the table.

"Made you some coffee too.", Niall said.

"Oh what are you gonna be in our relationship? The person who makes the coffee?", Harry laughed and took a sip of his coffee.

Niall sighed at the word relationship,"Harry, if you're not ready for a serious relationship I understand that. You don't have to force yourself."

Harry shook his head,"I'm not forcing myself. I have to move on eventually, right?"

Niall just nodded and placed his hand on top of Harry's,"I won't hurt you, I promise I won't." 

Harry just smiled and kissed Niall's hand. 

They ate in silence for a while. Neither of them said a word. Eventually Harry stopped eating and looked at Niall for a second.

"I love you. Just because I'm hurt sometimes or I try to make myself seem or make myself think like I don't love you, I still do though.", He said quietly.

Niall froze and looked up at Harry. He looked at him for a second and then smiled. 

"I love you too.", he said and leaned in to press a kiss on Harry's lips. 

And that's when their moment was broken by knocking on Harry's door. Harry made a confused expression and walked to the door and opened it.

It was Louis and Liam. Liam stood there with a little smile and Louis stood with an angry expression and arms crossed. 

"May we come in Styles?", Louis asked.

Harry nodded and let them in. 

"Ah looks like the place is in order, surprising since you-", Louis started talking, but stopped when he saw Niall sitting at the table and looking at them.

"Oh, hey Niall.", He said slightly shocked Niall was here.

Niall smiled and waved,"Hey Lou. Hey Liam." 

Harry sat back at the table across from Niall. Louis turned his head towards Harry and smiled just a little bit, of course he was happy his friend was opening up to someone. 

He stopped smiling immediately after remembering why they were here,"Harry we need to talk."

Harry sighed,"I know. I messed up, okay? Liam I'm sorry I hit you, I was very angry and frustrated so I took it out on you. It was a stupid and bad mistake. I never meant to take it so far-", Harry tried to say something, but Louis sushed him.

"We're not here for that Harry.", Liam said in a softer tone than Louis.

Niall looked at them and then at Harry. Harry's face suddenly went pale and then he looked away. Niall grabbed Harry's hand and held it gently.

"Niall can you leave please?", Liam said quietly.

Niall nodded and went to get up, but Harry stopped him. 

"Why would he leave? I don't want him to leave.", Harry said sternly.

"Because he probably doesn't want to hear the things we're about to talk about.", Louis said harshly,"Do you want him to know about everything you did? Because if he hears it, I can assure you he won't want to hang out with you anymore." 

Harry hissed through his teeth,"I'm with him now and I want him to stay. You can't shoo him away."

Louis crossed his arms again and tapped his foot against the floor,"Okay. Okay.", he said while looking at Niall and then looked away and looked at Harry.

"You're doing stupid shit again Harry.", he said angrily,"Why are you doing it?"

Harry looked back at him the same way,"No. Fuck you. I'm not gonna say a thing if you keep being the way you are right now."

Liam sighed,"Harry please. We're just worried. That's all."

Louis looked at Harry and then just sighed.

"I'm fine... it happened and it won't happen again. It was just a slip up ", Harry said.

Louis slammed his fist against the table suddenly and looked at Harry with worry and anger in his eyes,"A SLIP UP?! HARRY YOU'RE DOING DRUGS AGAIN! YOU PROMISED US YOU'D NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN! DO YOU WANT TO BE THE REASON SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO NIALL JUST LIKE IT HAPPENED TO JOSH?"

Liam nudged Louis and looked at him angrily,"Shut up. Don't bring that into this."

"Louis leave me alone. Just like you didn't talk to me in the elevator yesterday you can not talk to me now.", Harry replied harshly and looked back at him.

"Harry please. Louis didn't mean that.", Liam said in a calm and soft tone,"Mate can you listen to us at least?"

"NO! I CAN'T! OUT OF EVERYONE HERE THE ONLY PERSON I WOULD EVER WANT TO TALK TO IS NIALL! SO YOU TWO CAN KINDLY PISS OFF.", Harry yelled out angrily.

Liam looked at Harry with an angry face now too,"Are you fucking serious?"

Harry looked back at him with a serious look on his face,"Yes."

"You barely know him Harry! Who is he to you?!", Liam said angrily.

"He is now my boyfriend and I feel like he's the only one here who is acting towards me like I'm not a goddamn child.", Harry replied.

"See Liam I told you, we shouldn't have come.", Louis said while getting up and leaving. Liam following shortly after.

Niall looked at Harry sadly,"Harry. That was not a smart idea. They just wanted to talk to you and help."

Harry didn't even look at Niall, he just had his arms crossed,"Please don't you start with this now too."

Niall sighed and nodded, "Okay okay. I won't."

They stood in silence for a while again. Niall didn't say anything and neither did Harry. 

The day passed slowly, they had lunch together and then they talked a bit.

After a while Harry looked at the clock and then at Niall.

"Do you want to get drunk with me? I need to talk and I usually can't talk with anyone if I'm sober.", Harry said.

He sighed,"Instead of talking to me, go talk to Liam and Louis. Harry they love you and want to help you."

"Well you love me too.", Harry said sadly.

"It's not the same love Harry.", Niall replied.

"But I need to talk to you.", Harry pleaded.

"Well I don't want to see you get drunk and then break down again. I don't want to and I won't. It hurt me to see you that way you know?", Niall said.

Harry leaned his head into his hands and sighed loudly.

"Wouldn't it be easier to see me break down when drunk and blame it on the drunken vulnerability rather than seeing me break down like this?", Harry asked and Niall just looked at him.

"I don't want to see you like that at all.", Niall added and he felt his heart break and shatter into a million pieces after seeing Harry that way.

He took his phone and texted Louis. 

N: Hey Lou, maybe come over now? Harry seems like he's breaking down completely and I doubt he will fight you.

"I texted Louis to come.", Niall said in a loving tone,"You need to talk to them too." 

Harry just nodded, lifted his head up and then looked at Niall.

Niall got up and sat next to him. He hugged him and rubbed his arm to soothe him.

After a few minutes Louis and Liam walked in. They just walked silently to the table and sat down as well. 

Liam looked at Louis sternly and Louis sighed,"I'm sorry I tend to be harsh towards you. I'm just worried. You know I love you."

Harry looked at him and nodded,"And I'm sorry I act like an idiot and do all of this to myself."

"Mate, you will stop. I don't know what you're taking, but you will stop.", Liam said and looked at Harry as well,"Please."

"Can I at least say that I'll try?", Harry asked in a sad tone.

Liam sighed,"Do it as less as you can okay? It would be best if you stopped, but we can't keep an eye on you 24/7."

Harry nodded and looked at them again,"So you are not angry at me anymore?"

"We are. But just because we're angry doesn't mean we don't love you or want the best for you.", Louis replied.

Niall hugged Harry tighter and pressed his body closer to his own. He kissed his cheek softly and then Harry turned his head and kissed Niall on the lips.

Louis smirked,"Please tell me you two are together finally?"

Harry laughed a bit and rolled his eyes,"How is that any of your business?"

"It's not.", Louis added,"I am just very nosy."

Niall laughed as well and looked at Harry. 

Harry smiled,"I guess we are." 

And that was kind of a new beginning. Harry and Niall felt like they found the right person for them, or at least they hoped so. Niall would come over to Harry's apartment way too often and most of the time it wasn't even for sex. Harry even gave him the keys of his flat. After work he would come over, make lunch and wait for Harry to come home. They would spend the day together and most of the times, at night, Niall would sleep over. Everything seemed fine to say the least. They were happy and they loved eachother. 

•••••••••••••••

It was Sunday morning which meant they didn't have work. Niall woke up and went to place his arms around the boy sleeping next to him, but he was greeted with nothing but air. He opened his eyes and looked around and Harry wasn't in the room. He got up and put on Harry's shirt that was folded neatly on the edge of the bed. The shirt reached half of his thighs again and it was huge on him, but he still liked wearing Harry's shirts. He walked to Harry's desk and saw a note. It was a poem.

Sometimes  
The short poems   
Are the hardest to write   
Change one word  
And the whole poem   
AVOCADOS

-H.

Niall looked at the poem in confusion and laughed.

"Okay what the fuck?!", he set the poem back on the desk and walked out of Harry's bedroom.

He went to the kitchen and saw Harry making breakfast. 

"Okay are you drunk? Your poem makes like no sense.", Niall laughed and looked at Harry confused.

Harry smiled and set two plates on the table with two cups of coffee.

"Angel everything in my life makes sense, see", he said,"Avocados. Avocado toast."

Harry pointed to the avocado toast he made for breakfast which made Niall burst out laughing and Harry smiled widely.

"OH MY GOD! You are such a dork!", Niall said while still laughing.

"I just like to keep all of my things coordinated, if I'm making avocado toast I have to include avocados in my poems.", Harry laughed and sat at the table.

Niall sat across from him and started eating. They talked a bit and ate their breakfast in peace until a loud knock was heard from the door. 

"HARRY! OPEN! THE! DOOR!", Louis yelled out.

Harry got up and opened the door quickly with a worried expression.

"Is everything okay?!", he said worriedly.

Louis just nodded and laughed,"Oh yeah, it's fine. I just wanted to make a dramatic entrance." 

Louis walked inside and smiled at Niall,"Oh hey Niall, you're here again?" 

Niall nodded,"I feel like I'm more here than at my own house." He laughed.

"Where's Liam?", Harry asked and sat back at the table and sipped his coffee.

"I think he's still sleeping, hasn't called me or texted me since last night. He went out with some mates from the college football team so I think he had a long night.", Louis laughed.

Harry nodded and looked at Niall and then at Louis,"So what are you doing here?", Harry asked.

Louis laughed,"Oh wow okay Styles. I can't even hang out with my best friend anymore? Like what? Am I interrupting something? Clearly not!"

Niall laughed and Harry rolled his eyes while chuckling,"You're not interrupting anything, I was joking."

Niall's phone beeped and he got a text.

He gasped,"Oh shit, I gotta go. I promised my mum to drive her somewhere today." 

Niall got up and went to get dressed. He came back quickly and gave Harry a fast kiss. 

"Bye guys, see you later. I really have to go.", he said while rushing out of the apartment.

When Niall left, Louis got up from where he was sitting and sat across from Harry.

"How are you?", He asked slowly.

Harry laughed,"I'm fine, what do you mean?"

Louis sighed,"You know what I mean..."

Harry rolled his eyes,"I told you. I'm fine."

Louis nodded and then smiled a bit,"I'm so glad you and Niall found eachother. You're way more open now, and you are happier."

Harry smiled,"I am... Niall makes me really happy."

Louis smiled at him again,"It's clear you two love eachother, don't let him get away."

Harry shook his head,"Don't worry... this time I won't let myself lose the ones I love."


	8. Eight

And everything seemed fine. Harry and Niall were good. Or at least they tried to be. Harry still has his bad days. Days when he craves the one thing he forced his body to get used to again, days when he takes it and days when his whole body goes into an aftershock from missing the drugs from his system. But Niall was always there. Niall was there when Harry was having a mental breakdown and he was there while Harry was puking his guts out after a bad trip. Harry tried to tell himself that he was not addicted, that he doesn't need it and that he is over that. Niall wanted to believe it too, but he knew otherwise. He knew that if Harry wasn't addicted, he could resist the cravings. But, nine out of ten times Harry gave into the craving. Even though Harry had his bad days and days when it seemed like the end of the world, he still craved Niall more than any other substance. 

At the end of the day, Harry would ask himself why is he doing this to himself again. Why is he letting himself fall back into this darkness he so craved yet wanted to get away from? 

That is the thing about addiction. A person may get over it and try to run away from it, but at the end, that person is still an addict. And that's what he was; an addict. 

Addicted to the darkness that is around him and the darkness that is inside of him. Addicted to the feeling of a needle going through his skin and a substance flowing through his veins... And he knew that. Deep down Harry knew he was an addict, yet still, a small part of his brain told him that he was not. That he was okay and that he had control.

Control.

I have control Harry repeated to himself. I have control he said again as a needle pierced his skin. I have control he said as he felt his body relax. I have control he thought as he felt his head go heavy.

 Do I have control, he thought as his body started shaking. Do I have control, he repeated as he realized that the amount of the substance he injected might have been too much.

I don't have control he said as he realized he didn't care that it was too much. I don't have control he repeated as he closed his eyes and blacked out. 

"Harry!" 

"Wake up!"

He heard voices say while his mind went in and out of consciousness.

"HARRY!"

He heard a scream. And then he blacked out again.

Then his eyes opened and for a moment his eyes met with Niall's, and then he blacked out again. Now he couldn't hear anything. There was some sort of a white noise in his head. 

And then, that stopped too. The darkness that was usually in his heart, was now all around him. He saw nothing but dark. He heard nothing. He felt nothing.

And then he felt a sharp pain in his chest. A loud thunder-like sound blasting throughout his head. Ater that he felt another strong, sharp pain in his chest.

And then everything went quiet for a bit and his mind shut off completely. 

Another blackout. More silence...

Only to be broken by a slow beeping sound. Harry's eyelids suddenly felt very heavy, but he opened them. 

He looked around the room, a hospital room. Liam and Louis sitting at a table across the bed with their heads leaned against their hands, sleeping.

He turned his head again and saw Niall. Sitting on a chair by Harry's bed, looking at the floor. His hand resting on top of Harry's.

Harry weakly moved his hand which made Niall's head snap up and look at Harry. 

Their gazes connected and Niall sighed but gave Harry a slight smile.

"You're awake.", he said while holding Harry's hand gently.

Harry tried saying something, but his tongue felt heavy and his lips felt glued together.

Niall leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Harry's lips. He then got up and went to call a nurse.

He could barely speak. The nurse asked him questions that Harry sometimes wouldn't hear, it's like his senses turned on and off constantly. Louis and Liam spared him a long talk about how all of this was bad and instead talked with him about simple things with smiles on their faces. Harry knew they pitied him. But he didn't say anything knowing that if he said something they would stop and give him "the talk".

Harry stayed in the hospital for a few days until he got his strength back and could talk and walk normally. And then they let him go back home. The doctor mumbled something about rehab which Harry shrugged off by adding that he was not an addict.

When at home Niall would barely leave his side and when he did, he called Liam and Louis to stay with him. 

This all would have turned out okay. Harry would have gotten better and he eventually would get back on track.

But, this scenario happened again. And again. And again.

By the fourth time Harry ended up in the hospital, Niall has had enough. 

He reached a point where he didn't know what else to do, but submit Harry to a rehab...

Niall sat next to Harry at the dining table.

"Harold, I have to tell you something.", Niall said quietly.

Harry just looked at Niall with an interested look.

"I submitted you into a rehab.", Niall said.

Harry's expression immediately changed.

"You did what?! Why did you do that?!", Harry asked, immediately protesting.

Niall laughed ironically,"You are seriously asking me why I did that? Are you now aware that you have a problem?"

"I don't have a problem, Niall!", Harry said while getting up from the table and moving a bit further from Niall.

"You don't have a problem?!", Niall asked angrily,"Overdosing four fucking times in the span of two months is not a problem?!"

"Thank you for being by my side, but you are in no position to tell me if I have a problem or not!", Harry exclaimed.

"I am your boyfriend, someone who deeply cares about you! And trust me, I think I can recognize when someone has a drug problem.", Niall replied.

"Bullshit!", Harry yelled out,"You don't know anything! You are not Josh! You never will be! So don't fucking try to tell me what to do!"

Niall laughed,"Are you fucking serious?"

"Did you really just have the guts to say that?! I'm here, trying to help you, and YOU have the nerves to compare me to your ex-boyfriend! Not only compare, but to make me seem like I'm just some sort of a cheap replacement!", Niall said.

Harry looked at Niall angrily and stayed quiet for a second.

"Yes, I did.", Harry then replied angrily through his teeth.

Niall looked at him hurt,"Okay, wow. No wonder he died. You practically drove him to death."

Niall got up and grabbed his coat.

"I DIDN'T KILL HIM.", Harry yelled out angrily.

Niall put on his coat and turned towards him.

"You did. Stop pretending like you don't know you did. Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? Louis and Liam told me everything. I know how you drove him mad to the point where he couldn't think straight so he got into an accident", Niall said.

Harry's voice cracked and his eyes filled with tears,"Stop saying that. You don't even know him. You have no idea what kind of connection I've had with him."

Niall shook his head,"Clearly this relationship is very one-sided.", he said,"Call me when you get your head out of your ass and finally realize shit. Until then don't even bother contacting me."

Niall turned around and walked out of the apartment while banging the door behind himself. Harry stood in the same spot for a second and wiped a tear off of his cheek. He went to his room and sat at his desk, grabbed a cigarette and lit it while looking out of the window. 

He saw Niall walk out of the building while crying which made him roll down the blinds on his window so he wouldn't have to look at him. 

Harry stayed in the dark and silence for a while and then turned on a lamp and grabbed a piece of paper.

"The scariest thing is  
when you realize  
that you're addicted  
to something.

But the thing is that  
you cannot simply stop.  
Because addiction is an obsession  
that takes over your mind  
and your every thought."

 

And with that, the thought of being an addict lingered in Harry's mind again. But Harry just took the paper, crumpled it up into a ball and threw it into the trash.

"I'm fine. I don't need him in my life.", Harry said as he slowly felt his eyes fill with tears again.

And then he started to cry. And he cried. He cried because he knew he was wrong and Niall was right. He cried because he knew he loved him yet at the same time he knew Niall was partially right. He cried because he knew Niall was a replacement. A replacement he fell in love with.

Harry cried for the rest of the day and the whole night.

Niall cried for the rest of the day and the whole night. 

Niall wanted to call Harry, but he stopped himself every time he went to press call. And then he blocked Harry's number.

Harry called Niall. Over and over again. But he was constantly redirected to voicemail. And he hung up before he could leave a message to Niall.

Niall was on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking how did he let himself fall so deeply in love with a man he knew, from the start, that would not end well.

At 2.15 am, his phone buzzed. A voicemail has been left. He takes his phone in his hand and presses listen later. And the notification disappears...

Weeks passed and every night at the same time a voicemail came.

And one night Niall pressed listen.

A shaky voice from the other side spoke quietly.

"So it's day 25 and I know I'm annoying with these messages, but I just want to at least pretend I have someone to talk to. I am a complete asshole and a fucking mess. I have no sense of self-control. Last week I hurt Louis really badly and yesterday I almost hurt Liam too. I hate myself. I first hurt you and then both of my best friends. You're right. I do drive people crazy. Just look at me. I am talking to my phone, in the middle of the night and annoying a person who blocked my number...I love you, Niall. I love you so much. I love you more than I loved Josh. But I fucked up again. I fucked up so bad. I hurt you. I am so sorry. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But I just hate the thought of having to get help. I'm a lonesome person and I don't want someone else trying to help me... I'm not really getting better though... but hey at least I haven't killed myself. And I am constantly thinking if you still love me because I still love you. And I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.-" 

And Niall then stopped the voice mail. He looked at his phone for a few seconds and then dialed a number. He pressed call and waited for the other side to pick up.

Tears were now running down his cheeks and his breathing was heavy.

"Hello.", a voice from the other side said.

Niall said quietly through the tears,"I am so fucking angry at you, Harry. But I love you and want to help you. So you will fucking listen to me and do as I say because nothing hurts me more than the thought of you not being okay. So if you want me back, you have to promise me you will at least TRY to get better and at least take into consideration things I tell you."

The other side of the phone was quiet for a second.

"Okay.", Harry then said and Niall hung up the call.

He immediately grabbed his coat and ran out of his apartment. He didn't care if it was two in the morning. He ran the few blocks that separated him and Harry and then knocked on Harry's door.

As soon as the door opened Niall grabbed Harry's face and pressed his lips against Harry's. He cried harder than before.

"Never hurt me again.", Niall pleaded as he cried into Harry's chest,"I'm begging you. I will lose my mind if I lose you."

Harry just nodded and then kissed Niall. He kissed him like his lips were air and he couldn’t breathe. Niall kicked the door closed and kept pushing Harry towards his room. He pushed Harry down on the bed and straddled his waist.

Neither of them said a word. They simply kissed eachother like there was no tomorrow. And that was the thing about their relationship that sometimes made Niall think. Sometimes it seemed like it was purely physical, but then Harry would give one look to Niall where it would seem like the whole universe was in his eyes and Niall would fall for him all over again. The soft touches Harry left over Niall’s skin made Niall go crazy and what started as a one night stand ended up being so much more. And as Harry would sleep soundly next to Niall, Niall would smile and think to himself what did he do to feel this kind of love towards someone that made him feel so good yet hurt him so bad...


	9. Nine

The warm morning sun shined through the window and came gently into the room like it didn't want to wake up the two boys sleeping soundly in each other's arms. Harry opened his eyes and looked at the other boy. He smiled a bit while caressing his soft face which made Niall open his eyes and catch Harry in the act of staring at him. Niall smiled at him.

"Well good morning.", he said and then pressed his lips against Harry's.

Harry smiled back and ran his thumb gently over Niall's lips,"I missed your good morning kisses."

Niall rested his head on Harry's chest and traced the tattoos on Harry's lower abdomen. Harry closed his eyes and enjoyed Niall's touch.

Niall sighed and looked away,"I'm sorry I'll never live up to be as good as Josh was to you, but I'll always try to be the best I can."

"No, listen, I said that when I wasn't thinking right. I don't mean it... I love him and I always will and yes I did initially get with you in hopes to get over him and get over my own demons, but I also fell in love with you on the way.", Harry said while releasing a deep sigh.

Niall nodded and simply tucked his head into Harry's chest. He didn't want to say anything more. He was happy with the answer Harry gave to him, even though it might not be true, it's enough for him; it's enough for now.

And that's what they both were; enough. They were enough for each other and they were enough for the world. Harry fought the demons inside of his head and he didn't let them take over too much. And that was enough. Niall picked Harry up when he'd fall and break. He would listen and he would stop him from hurting himself too much. And that, again, was enough.

Harry wanted to get better, he wanted to think more positively. Yet at two am while a candle burned, his cigarette came to an almost end and a bottle of whiskey was half empty, the spilled ink on his paper was filled with self-obliterating words that illustrated his view of the infinite amount of meaningless and useless atoms that we call life. He had sadness and anguish living in places that they shouldn't live.

But one thing lived in a place where it belonged. And that was Niall. That now lived in his home and somehow when he wasn't there, it no longer felt like home, but more like a cold, empty apartment with no soul.

On a path to recovery, Harry started working somewhere new. He worked at the local press station. He wrote some small articles about some irrelevant people for a minimum wage, but he was satisfied with it because he got to write. He loved writing. Letting a piece of paper know the words and thoughts that went through his head filled his heart with a special kind of adrenaline.

Since he worked from early in the morning to about two pm, he woke up before Niall. He would quietly sneak out of the bed and glance at the soft boy sleeping next to him. As he would sip his first cup of coffee and smoke his first daily cigarette he would write a short poem or a note for the sleeping boy, letting him know that he was the first thing his heart and mind thought of as he woke up.

 

"you might not have been my first love  
but you were the love that made  
all the other loves  
irrelevant.

And now  
to me everything  
starts  
and ends  
with your lips "

Niall was also the last thing that went through his head before his eyes closed and he drifted off into the peaceful abyss of sleep.

If only getting better could be solved by getting a boyfriend and a new job.

Not using anything made Harry's body go into shock. It's kind of like going on a drastic diet, when you're not taking what you're used to, your metabolism is changing and you lose weight fast for a certain period of time. Sadly Harry's case wasn't losing weight, but rather having extreme panic attacks and throwing up like he had the worst fever of his life.

X: I saved the best batch for you today.

H: Sorry. I'm trying to get off of it plus I'm really sick, I don't think I can get out of the house.

X: Haha, you're not sick, Harry. You just need more.

Harry stayed silent as he read the text. He lifted his head and saw Niall cooking in the kitchen. He sighed knowing that what he is about to do was wrong, but he needed it more than anything right now.

"Love, I'm going to go out with Liam for a walk, I could really use some fresh air.", Harry said while getting up.

Niall just nodded,"Sure, lunch should be done by four."

H: Meet me in ten minutes.

Harry grabbed his coat and walked out of his apartment. A car was parked in front of his building and a girl with bright purple hair was sitting in the car. Harry quickly got in the car and closed the door behind himself.

"I see you dyed your hair", he laughed.

"Violet hair to match my name.", she replied with a laugh.

"That's not violet, that's orchid.", Harry chuckled and looked at her hair again.

"Oh shut it gay boy, It's violet to me.", Violet laughed and pushed his arm.

"Whatever you say V.", he replied.

She started driving," Since when did you stop? Liam and Louis pressuring you again?"

Harry sighed," Not really, I have a boyfriend now and he wants me to stop I guess."

She glanced at Harry while still looking at the road," Clearly I don't think the relationship is going well if you're sneaking out to get high with me."

Harry looked away," It's not like that, I just need this."

She just shrugged her shoulders," Whatever you say."

Later while Niall was in the kitchen still cooking, someone knocked on the door and immediately came in.

"Lou, Harry and Liam went for a walk, they're not here.", Niall said and then turned around to see Liam and Louis looking at him confused.

"He didn't go for a walk with me?", Liam said confused.

Niall looked at them and froze,"Where is he then? Did he lie to me?"

"Listen Niall, it's probably not what you think. Maybe he just wanted to be alone?", Liam said and looked at Niall who was on the verge of crying.

"I don't care what he is doing, but I care about why he didn't tell me!", Niall yelled.

Louis sighed," Mate, relax. I'm sure he's not doing anything. He's probably just at the park writing or something like he usually does."

And that's when the door opened and the culprit was standing in front of them. Harry froze and looked at Niall and then at Liam and Louis.

Niall crossed his arms and looked at Harry,"So how was the walk?"

Liam pulled at Louis hand,"We should leave..."

"Why-", Louis tried saying but Liam kicked his leg.

"We have a thing to do, cmon lets go!", Liam said and pulled Louis harshly.

As Liam was passing by Harry he looked at him and whispered,"Sorry mate, I didn't know. You could've fucking texted me and said something."

"LEAVE!", Niall screamed from the other side of the room which made Liam and Louis sprint through the door and bang it loudly upon closing.

Niall and Harry remained in silence while maintaining eye contact.

"Where were you?", Niall asked angrily.

"I went for a walk.", Harry replied quietly.

Niall looked at him again with a more serious expression,"Don't fucking lie to me! Tell me where you were!"

Niall walked closer to him and looked into his eyes. Harry didn't reply, he just looked away.

"Look at me!", Niall yelled out and grabbed Harry's face.

He looked into his eyes intensely and then gasped.

"You're high, aren't you?!", Niall said in a disappointed tone.

Harry sighed,"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?!", Niall exclaimed angrily,"You are not fucking sorry! You are satisfied with yourself now!"

Niall turned around and went back into the kitchen. Harry just looked at him.

"Who were you with?", Niall asked angrily.

"What do you mean? I was alone.", Harry replied.

"Don't lie to me.", Niall snapped back at Harry,"Tell me the truth."

Harry sighed,"With a friend."

Niall laughed ironically, "What's his name?"

"Her name is Violet.", Harry replied.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows confused,"Wait what? Since when are you into girls?!"

"I'm not into girls, I told you, she is my friend, I've known her for years.", Harry said.

"How come I've never heard of her?", Niall said and crossed his arms.

"I don't talk about her often.", Harry replied and started walking to his room.

"Hey! I'm still angry at you! You've taken something again!", Niall yelled at him.

"Niall, it's not a big deal.", Harry sighed, walked back to Niall and cupped his face,"I promise it's not a big deal."

Niall sighed too and leaned his head into Harry's hand. He closed his eyes for a second and then looked into Harry's eyes.

"Just please be careful.", Niall said and kissed Harry softly.

Harry nodded and kissed Niall back...

......................

A few days later Harry went with Violet again and Niall stayed home. He felt like Harry was hanging out with her more than him and even though he knew there was no romance in between Harry and Violet, he was still jealous. He decided to kill his time by hanging out with Liam and Louis. 

They were all sitting in Louis' living room and Liam was playing video games.

"So with who was Harry the other day?", Louis asked.

"Ugh, some girl. He is again with her right now.", Niall rolled his eyes.

Louis laughed,"Mate I don't think you need to worry about him being with that girl, Harold has been gay his whole life you know?"

"Yeah, I know, but like he is constantly with her and if he is not with her he constantly talking about her! 'Violet this! Violet that!' ", Niall said in an annoyed tone.

"Violet?", Liam asked suddenly.

"Oh no.", Louis sighed.

"What?! Who is she? Do you know her? He said he knew her for a long time.", Niall asked worriedly.

Liam sighed,"Violet is Josh's sister. She and Harry used to do stupid shit together."

Louis rolled his eyes,"Long story short she got Harry into drugs."

Niall gasped angrily,"Then what is he doing with her?! He can't hang out with her!!"

Liam looked at Niall,"Relax, it's better if he's with her than alone."

"So you're just going to let him do this?! You do know he is practically killing himself!", Niall exclaimed.

Louis sighed,"You know he can't stop. He's in too deep. We can't get him out anymore."

Niall got up angrily,"What kind of best friends are you two?! He will die! This is killing him!"

"Niall-", Louis tried saying something but Niall pushed him away.

"Honestly fuck off! You don't deserve a person like Harry!"

Niall fastly got out of the apartment, took out his phone and dialed Harry's number.

It rang a few times and then Harry finally picked up.

"Yeah?", Harry said in a low, raspy voice.

"Where are you? I wanna hang out with you and Violet.", Niall said demandingly, already getting in the elevator and going to the first floor. 

"Uhh, I didn't know you wanted to hang out with us-", Harry said and Niall interrupted him.

"I don't care. Come pick me up now.", Niall replied and hung up the call immediately after.

He walked in front of the building and stood in the windy autumn weather. Soon a car pulled up and Harry walked out of it. He stumbled a bit and opened the door for Niall.

"Why do you suddenly wanna go with us?", Harry asked.

Niall got in the car and Harry followed.

"Because I wanna meet your friend.", Niall said and smiled,"Hi, I'm Niall."

He went to shake Violet's hand but she just looked at him.

"Hey.", She quickly replied, turned away and started driving.

Violet drove them to her flat and when they got inside Niall cringed at the mixed smell of weed and alcohol. She plopped down onto the couch and grabbed a glass pipe from the table.

She turned towards Harry and smiled,"Cmon let's continue."

Harry just stood next to Niall and looked away.

"Oh so now that your boyfriend came you suddenly don't even want to smoke weed, but yesterday you were shooting up heroin like there was no tomorrow.", She said clearly annoyed by Niall's presence.

Harry looked at Niall,"Niall I swear I-", he tried saying, but Niall just sat next to Violet and grabbed the pipe from her hand.

"I want to get high too, teach me how to.", Niall said calmly and looked at her.

"What?!", Harry and Violet said at the same time and Harry looked at Niall confused.

Niall looked back at him with both love and sadness,"If you can do it, so can I."

.......................

"His love is a drug.  
Once you get a taste, you want more,  
and my god, am I addicted.  
He’s always on my mind,  
and he is too good for me,  
I still think he’ll make me better.  
I still hope that maybe one day I'll be good enough for his love." 

 

The poem written in black ink on a yellow paper sat on the desk next to a half-burned candle. A short rhyme that a poet wrote for his lover before leaving the house. Before he witnessed his lover make the same mistake he did. Before he realized how he let the perfect blue-eyed boy, get cut on his broken pieces.


	10. Ten

Harry stood shocked for a second, then looked at Niall and then at Violet who was just as confused as him. For a moment his heart filled with guilt, but then that guilt turned into slowly growing anger.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!", Harry exclaimed,"Why are you even here?! I don't want you here. I never told you to come nor did I ever tell that you can come. You just forced yourself into this part of my life, like you did in every other part of my life."

Violet got even more shocked and then sighed,"Harry chill." 

"No, I will not chill! Niall leave! You can't hang out with me and Violet and I don't want you to hang out with us.", Harry yelled out at Niall.

Niall just simply looked at him hurt and then set back the pipe down. He got up, without saying a word, and just walked straight out of the door. He didn't know where he was, or where he was going, but he knew he wanted to and needed to leave. Because that's what Harry wanted of him. And if that will make Harry happy, then he will do it.

Harry didn't even look at Niall as he passed, he simply sat down on the couch and pulled out a small bag of white powder.

Violet just looked at him in silence as he put some down on the table and formed it into a line. 

She pushed him a bit and sighed again,"Mate, you're already high. Don't mix substances. You can seriously hurt yourself."

He pushed her arm away and shrugged her off,"I'll be fine."

Then he leaned his head down.

 Violet looked at him for a second and then laughed,"Wanna share some with me though?"

He laughed and nodded, already feeling the adrenaline in his body. Harry looked up at the ceiling and then the time stopped, but at the same time went ten times faster than it usually does. For a moment thoughts went through his head.

How did he in such a short period of time, went from being moderately okay, to reaching his lowest point. How he went months without using anything, to being so heavily dependant on drugs he can't sleep or eat if he doesn't take them. 

His mind was a peculiar thing. It made him depend on things that ruined him and instead of getting help, he spilled his thoughts into rhymes and sentences. Truly what a beautiful mess he was. Just like all great writers, he seemed like he was out of this world and like he didn't belong anywhere.

"Harold?? Hello??", he then heard Violet calling him and snapping him out of his zoned out state.

He rubbed his eyes a bit,"Right, sorry."

She laughed,"Say sorry to yourself, mate, because once you start coming down from the high you'll have a crash landing. I told you it's not good to mix."

She got up and went to the other room.

"I have something for you.", Harry heard her say.

"What is it?", he asked confused. 

Violet came back holding a taped up box and then gave it to Harry.

"I was cleaning out Josh's old room and I found this, so I thought you might want to have it.", she said and then sat back down next to Harry.

Harry looked down at the box and on the top, in neat handwriting, was written: "For Harry".

"Do you know what's in it?", Harry asked while shaking the box a bit to get a feel of what might be in there.

"Don't know... I found it the way he left it, I couldn't handle opening it since he wanted you to have it.", she said in a weak voice clearly trying not to cry.

Harry fumbled a bit with the tape, but quickly managed to pull it off and open the box.

It was filled with papers; some neat and straight, some crumpled up, some smaller and some bigger, papers Harry recognized immediately because what was written on them he wrote. On top of it all stood a letter in a blue envelope. Harry took it quickly, opened it and started reading,  with Violet next to him, reading it as well.

"My dearest Harold, 

For a while, I've been meaning to tell you this, but I just don't have the heart to say it. I thought about running away and not saying a word to you, but you deserve an answer. So this is it. If you're reading this, then I'm probably far away from you. We've been together for a long time and I've grown from having a simple teenage crush on you to loving you with my whole heart. I thought I'd never grow out of the love I had for you. Sadly, along the way I found myself falling for someone new. For a while, I've tried to push myself away from the thought, but eventually, I gave in. As much as I hate to say this, I know I have to. I've been cheating on you for the past six months. I hate myself because of that, but I also know that that's something my heart wants. You know what love is and you know what it means to follow your heart, so I'm begging you to try and forgive me for this and to try and understand... Here are all of the poems and letters you wrote for me in the past five years. I would keep them, but they're better off with you. They are truly beautiful. Publish them one day. Make something out of yourself like you always told me you would. Let people know your name. You deserve to be remembered...just like I will always remember you. I promise you will forever stay in my heart, but only as a memory. I simply just don't love you like I used to, I am so sorry.

Love always, 

Josh"

Harry's hands started to shake and his eyes filled with tears. Violet looked at him with remorse and empathy.

"Holy shit, Harry I'm so sorry. I had no idea about this.", she said while rubbing Harry's arm soothingly. 

Harry put the letter back in the box and closed it. He got up and slowly walked to the door.

"I think I'm gonna go home V.", he said monotonously and opened the door.

"Okay?", she replied and got up as well to get her car keys.

"It's okay, I'll just walk home.", He said.

"Walk home? Harry, you live on the other side of London.", she added in a worried tone.

"I said that it's okay and that I will walk home!", Harry snapped back at her, walked out of the door and into the street.

He silently started to cry. He felt his already broken heart, break into even more pieces. He took every dark alley and street back home because he didn't want to pass by anyone as warm tears ran down his face. His beautiful green eyes became red and weary, partially from the drugs and partially from crying. He walked for hours and he didn't make a sound. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he ignored it.

As he approached his street he quickly wiped the tears from his face and walked into his apartment building. Soon Harry was in his apartment alone. He assumed Niall was probably with Louis and Liam gossiping about what a terrible boyfriend he was.

He went into his room and set the box down on his desk. He reached under his table and pulled out another box. Out of that box, he pulled out a framed photograph. He looked at it and tears overflowed his eyes once more. He cried harder and more out loud as he took the photo and smashed it against the wall. He screamed in agony as he kicked the photo, that was now on the floor, completely shattering it. 

"You don't love me!", he screamed out,"You never fucking did!"

Harry took more and more items from the box and started throwing them against the wall or to the floor. He screamed again and cried harder than before.

At that moment Niall walked into the house and rushed into the bedroom after he heard Harry scream.

"Harry! What's going on?!", he asked worriedly as he walked in.

Harry was standing in the middle of the room surrounded by broken glass with a tear stained face.

"He was cheating on me.", Harry replied sadly.

Niall sighed, walked to Harry and hugged him tightly as he started to cry onto his chest. He rubbed his back to soothe him.

"It's okay, just cry it out.", Niall said softly.

"No, it's not okay.", Harry said while pulling away and wiping his tears away,"I spent this whole time thinking he loves me endlessly...all while he was with another guy behind my back!"

Niall looked into his eyes and rubbed Harry cheek with his thumb. He placed a gentle kiss on his lips and sighed,"He loved you, baby, just not the way you wanted him to."

Harry wiped his tears again as Niall started picking up some of the broken things around him. He threw them away and then noticed a box on the table.

"What's this?", he asked while opening it and looking through the papers.

"Josh left me that. That's how I know about this. He was planning on leaving me...so he left me a note.", Harry replied and sat down on a chair. 

"Wow, did you really write all of this for him?", Niall asked again, amazed.

"Yes, you probably don't count the things I write for you, but if you did, the number wouldn't be small either.", Harry said with a slight laugh.

Niall smiled as he read some of the poems,"What are you gonna do with these now?"

"Burn them.", Harry said.

"You'll what?!", Niall asked, but laughed thinking Harry was joking.

Harry then got up, his legs wobbly and his mind clearly not able to think straight, and pulled out a lighter from his back pocket.

"Um, no no no.", Niall said while pushing Harry's arm away and taking his lighter away.

"You are clearly still drugged and you will now go to sleep.", He said while putting away the box.

Harry just stood in the same spot while staring at Niall who quickly made the bed, cleaned up around the room and then started to lead Harry to the bed.

As he helped Harry take off his clothes, Harry quietly said,"I love you, Niall."

Niall stopped for a moment and looked back at Harry with a small smile,"I love you too."

Harry's head started to get more and more dizzy as he slowly came down from his high, so Niall helping him get to bed, didn't really end up being a bad idea.

While Niall was reading a book and Harry was looking at the ceiling, something inside of Harry nudged him into speaking.

"I must admit though, I didn't think I would love you as much as I do.", he said.

Niall laughed,"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, I just feel very content when I'm with you. It's like I don't really need anyone else in my life.", He replied and looked at Niall.

Niall blushed,"Stop. You're making me love you too much."

Harry smirked, got closer to Niall and kissed his cheek,"Isn't that a good thing?"

Niall laughed again,"Well I guess it is."

He then turned his head and placed a loving kiss onto Harry's lips. They kissed for a while in silence until Niall gasped.

"I just remembered something! I wanted to tell you this earlier today, but I completely forgot!", Niall exclaimed.

"What?", Harry asked with a confused expression.

"I heard something about this writing competition or something. Like you send them some of your work and the winner gets their own book published!", Niall said happily,"You should apply for that!"

Harry laughed,"No. I keep my poems for myself and for those who I write them for. I don't want to share them."

"C'mon, Harold. This could be your big opportunity. You should try.", Niall pleaded.

Harry sighed and then smiled,"Ugh, fine. I'll think about it."...


	11. Eleven

Tomorrow morning when Harry woke up Niall was not next to him. He got up and went to the kitchen to find Niall brewing coffee.

Harry smiled and kissed his cheek,"Morning."

Niall pushed him away,"Morning."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows confused,"What's wrong? Why are you pushing me away?"

Niall simply looked at him and rolled his eyes,"Listen you don't think that I forgot the fact you literally attacked me for no reason yesterday and kicked me out of your friend's house?"

Harry sighed,"Shit."

Niall walked past him and sat on the table. Harry grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry Niall.", he looked at him apologetically.

Niall laughed,"Listen, a sorry is not going to fix the fact that you acted like an asshole. I don't care if you were high or not, you have no right to say that I'm invading your privacy because I'm your boyfriend and I expect you to let me in your life."

"Niall I didn't mean it like that...", Harry tired saying, but Niall just rolled his eyes.

"Yes you did, Harry, okay? I know you did. You always say the things you actually mean when you are high. Listen. I know you love me and of course, I still love you, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry or upset...Just let me cool off a bit.", Niall said and looked away.

Harry nodded and sighed while drinking his coffee. He then got up and went to get dressed. After getting dressed he washed his face, brushed his teeth and put on some cologne. He put on his coat and took his phone and keys.

"I'm going to work.", he turned and said to Niall who just nodded without even looking at him.

When he got to his office and sat at his desk he was greeted by his middle-aged boss who liked to act like he was still in college.

"Styles! My favourite!", he smiled widely and sat next to Harry.

"Good morning sir.", Harry said while smiling back a bit.

"So you finally decided to come back, huh?", he asked.

Harry laughed nervously,"Yeah.. I was sick."

His boss laughed and then turned serious again,"I need that article I gave you last week on my desk today by noon."

And then he got up and left while Harry sighed and took out his laptop to begin writing.

He spent the entire morning writing a boring, eye-catching article, designed for shallow minded idiots. After finishing, he sat there just looking at his laptop screen.

He then printed the article and brought it to his boss who complimented his writing and vocabulary. Harry just kind of zoned out and he didn't really listen to what he was saying.

"So what do you think about that?", his boss asked, snapping Harry out of his trance-like state.

"Hm? What?", Harry asked confused.

"I said... there is a writing contest for young, new, undiscovered authors, maybe you should give it a shot? I've read your work, you know you have potential.", he replied.

"Oh, that...I don't know. My boyfriend mentioned it to me yesterday, but I really don't like sharing my private work with others.", Harry laughed.

His boss wrote down an email and gave it to Harry, "Email your work here if you change your mind... I'll put in a good word for you."

Harry smiled,"Thanks...I'll think about it."

He then got his things and left. He walked a few blocks to a well-known cafè and then walked inside.

The cafè was quite empty, only a few people sat at the tables. Niall had his back turned to the door and he was washing some cups. Harry walked up to him and just stood there, waiting for him to turn around.

Niall turned around and then gasped as he saw Harry.

"Oh for fuck's sake, you scared the life out of me.", he said.

Harry laughed,"Can I have a coffee, love?"

Niall laughed a bit,"It's hard being mad at you.", he said,"Also just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean you can have free coffee for life."

He handed Harry a cup and he took a sip while not breaking eye contact with Niall.

"Do not look at me that way?" Niall said.

"Why?", Harry sighed.

"I'm still mad at you!", Niall exclaimed.

Harry just looked at Niall. Niall looked back.

"What?!", Niall asked.

Harry laughed,"It's nothing, I just like looking at you."

Niall rolled his eyes and laughed a bit,"I'm trying to be angry at you, you know?"

Harry smiled,"Hey, I can't help it that I'm cute."

Niall laughed again,"Shut up."

Niall checked his watch and then took off his apron.

"I'll have my break now. You better fucking spend it with me and you better not run out with Violet.", he said and walked out of the bar and then hugged Harry while pressing a kiss to his cheek.

They sat down at a table together and Niall started eating a sandwich.

Harry tapped his fingers on the table and clenched his fist a few times when he felt a slight headache coming.

Niall looked at him and then squinted his eyes,"Don't you fucking dare, I don't care how bad your withdrawal symptoms are, you are not going to do anything!"

"I didn't even say anything!", Harry replied.

"Yeah, but I know what it means when you're acting like that!", Niall responded.

Harry took Niall's hand in his and then looked at him,"Niall, I'll be fine."

Niall sighed and continued to eat his lunch.

Niall looked at him,"Can you cook something for lunch today?"

Harry nodded while smiling,"Okay."

Niall laughed,"You're being like this just because I'm angry at you, aren't you?"

Harry laughed,"No! Why can't I simply listen to what you're saying?"

Niall rolled his eyes and laughed again,"Because you're you and you never listen to a word I say."

Harry laughed,"Okay, that's true. But I always listen to what you say, I just choose to ignore it."

Niall pushed Harry playfully and laughed once more,"Cmon leave asshole! You're not getting any free coffee anymore!"

Harry got up and quickly, before leaving, pressed a kiss to Niall's lips.

"I love you.", he said quietly.

Niall smiled slightly,"I love you too."

When Harry got home he immediately started making lunch because this is the least he can do for Niall after all of the shit he puts him through. After putting the food in the oven, he took out his laptop because he wanted to check out the contest his boss and Niall mentioned.

It didn't take a while for him to find it because a lot of people applied for it. The article was short but got straight to the point.

"London publishings is looking for a new author. Send in your work to londonpublishings@gmail.com. The winner gets their first book published and a prize of £2000. Good luck to all."

Harry read it a few times and then opened a new document. He took his notebook and started copying his poems into the document. Every poem he ever wrote for Niall was sorted by theme and in a chronological order. He sorted them by months and gave each month a title corresponding to what the poems were about. When he finished copying a decent amount, he decided to finish off with one last poem.

He called the last chapter

"You."

"Now, what exactly are you, blonde, blue-eyed boy?  
With your kisses like nicotine and your touch like silk,   
your eyes like a glass pool,   
you're tragic and damaged,   
you're a habit and a routine.  
Nothing you would expect from just a blonde, blue-eyed boy.

 

Well, this is it from me,  
I do not know what you expected.  
Because everyone knows that if a writer falls in love with you,  
You can never die.  
They say you'll find yourself embodied in the words,  
and that's just what I've done."

 

After spell-checking the document ten times, he attached it to an email and named the book "One night stand with a poet", he wrote his information and then finally pressed send. And that's when Niall walked in the flat. Harry quickly closed his laptop and greeted Niall.

"Hey, love. What are you doing?", Niall asked intrigued.

Harry shook his head,"It's nothing. Just something for work."

He decided not telling Niall was the best idea because he knew there was very little chance he could win this. So instead of giving Niall false hope, he just simply decided to keep this a secret...

The night came by very slowly for Harry. His withdrawal symptoms were suffocating him to the point where he felt like he would pass out. Niall noticed that and tried to help, but ended up failing no matter what he did. 

While Harry was laying on the bed napping Niall sneaked into the room and climbed on the bed next to him. He reached his arms around him and kissed his shoulder which woke Harry up. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, just wanted to hug you.", Niall said softly.

Harry turned around and kissed him,"I don't mind being woken up if it's you that'll wake me up."

Niall smiled and rubbed Harry's cheek with his thumb.

"I guess I'll try harder to get better.", Harry said quietly,"This has been going on for far too long. I don't want to ruin what we have."

"Not even the greatest force on earth could drag me away from you. You might hurt me, you might hurt yourself...but those things won't push me away. You need me and I'm not gonna leave you.", Niall replied,"Even though I'm still a bit salty about what you said to me the other day."

Harry smiled and kissed him again. Niall straddled Harry's waist and bit his lip.

"I think I know what might ease your suffering a bit.", Niall said as he started to take Harry's shirt off.

Harry laughed,"The only thing that will make me suffer now is if you decide to be a fucking tease like you always are."

Niall just responded with a laugh and then kissed Harry passionately. Harry ran his hands down the sides of Niall's body and gripped his hips. Niall left soft kisses all over Harry's neck and chest while Harry was trying not to lose his mind over how much he enjoyed that. 

Thirty minutes later they both were a breathless mess with sweaty post-sex hair and tired eyes craving sleep yet craving each other more. Eventually, they both gave in and fell asleep while trying to hold one another as close as they possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey long time no post lol. I’m very busy with school so I don’t know if I’ll be able to post anything til it ends in three weeks or so.... If I don’t fail my classes and have to be in skl the whole summer lmao I hate my life atm... anyways   
> -As always all the love L. xx


	12. Twelve

Days passed and nothing really changed much. Their days would go by the same most of the time; wake up, go to work, have lunch together, hang out with Louis and Liam, go home and watch some movies, have sex and go to bed. Harry alternated between being cold and quiet and being tense and irritable. Niall went with it. He tried as much as he could to prevent Harry from breaking down again and Harry didn't let himself break down again. Which resulted in his tension and anger because he felt himself lose control over his body.

One sunny Saturday morning Harry was making coffee and Niall was making himself cereal when the doorbell rang. Harry answered the door and the postman gave him a letter. While walking back into the flat he looked at it and saw it was addressed to him. He opened it and started reading.

"To Mr Harry Styles,  
We would like to inform you that you have won our writing contest. Your outstanding writing has truly left us in awe and it was definitely the best work we've seen out of all of the submissions. Considering your age; your vocabulary and writing are admirable and it's our honour to help someone this talented get recognition. The first copy of your book is already ready. You can pick it up in our offices, in downtown London. The address is listed at the bottom of the letter.   
Thank you, London publishing."

After reading the letter Harry froze in his steps and with a shocked expression, looked at Niall. Niall gave him a confused look and raised his eyebrow.

"Holy fucking shit, Niall.", Harry exclaimed.

"What?", Niall asked.

"I won. I won that contest. You know the writing one.", Harry replied while smiling widely.

Niall smiled back,"Holy crap! Let me see!"

He got up from his seat and ran over to Harry to read the letter too.

"Baby! You're gonna be famous!", Niall said,"I didn't even know you entered it! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Niall hugged Harry and left countless kisses all over his face.

Harry laughed,"I didn't think I would win!"

Niall kissed Harry,"You're crazy! Of course you'd win! You're you!", Niall said,"Are you gonna go get the book? I wanna read it!"

Harry nodded and quickly got dressed.

"I'll be right back!", he said while giving Niall a quick kiss, grabbing his keys and then storming out of the door.

Upon entering the elevator he saw Louis in it who smiled widely upon seeing him.

"Oi oi!", Louis exclaimed,"Why is Mr. sad aesthetics so happy today?"

Harry laughed,"Normally you would get a cocky response, but I'm too happy to deal with you right now... I got signed a book deal. I'm releasing a book!"

"Is this the thing you talked about the other day? The writing contest thing you didn't tell Niall about?", he asked.

"Niall wanted me to send it, he just didn't know I sent it.", Harry replied.

Louis nodded in response,"Alright, so is the book all sad poet aesthetics too or?", he smirked and pushed at Harry's arm.

Harry rolled his eyes,"Oh shut up and stop mocking me, call me when you have a book deal, Mister I work in a gay bar, but I'm straight."

Louis laughed,"I am straight! And it is not a gay bar! It's a bar that a lot of gay people visit."

Harry repeated in a teasing voice,"I aM sTrAigHt!", he laughed.

Louis laughed too and then the door of the elevator opened,"Bye gay boy, good luck with your book."

"Bye, Lou.", Harry said while walking away

He got in a taxi and drove to the office downtown. He entered it and was greeted by a nice looking lady.

"Hello, how may I help you?", she asked.

"Um, I won the contest you put out a while ago. In a letter you sent me you said that the first copy of the book is here and that I can pick it up?", he replied.

"Ah, Mr Styles, isn't it?", she said while getting the book from her drawer,"I've read the book, I think it's really good."

Harry smiled,"Thank you."

Harry took the book and looked at it in fascination.

"I'm going to need your ID and your account number for the money prize.", she said snapping Harry from his thoughts.

"Yeah, right. Sorry.", he replied while pulling out his ID and credit card and giving it to her.

She typed the information into her computer and then gave back them back to Harry.

"Alright, it should be on your account in a few hours. We will keep in touch via email. If you have any questions feel free to contact us.", she said and smiled.

Harry nodded,"I will, thank you for this opportunity."

Harry then left and went back home. He found Niall drinking coffee and scrolling through his phone.

"Here it is!", he yelled out and ran over to Niall to give him the book.

Niall squealed excitedly and took the book in his hands. He opened it and started scrolling through the pages.

"Oh god, baby, these are so good. If Josh was here he would be so happy. This is amazing!", he smiled widely while reading through the pages.

Harry laughed in confusion,"Why are you mentioning Josh?"

"Well, because these are the poems you wrote for him.", Niall said.

Harry laughed again,"No, Niall. Those are the ones I wrote for you.", Harry replied and Niall looked at him shocked.

"For me?", he asked.

"Yes, every single poem I've ever written for you. In a chronological order. Starting with the day we met.", Harry said and smiled.

Niall looked back at the book and scrolled back to the first page. And it was true. The first poem in it was the poem that Harry left for him that day at the cafe. He quickly flipped the pages. Tens and hundreds of poems. All for him. Some of which he's never read before.

Niall looked up and looked at Harry again.

"Oh, baby!", he said while getting up and hugging him tightly,"I love you."

Harry hugged him back and kissed the crook of his neck,"I love you too."

Niall broke the hug and smiled happily, "We need to celebrate! How about tonight we go out and grab some drinks?"

Harry laughed lowly,"I don't know baby, you know I don't like going out. Plus it's a Saturday which means there will be even more people and-"

"Harry! Shut up! Then we can have some drinks at home, maybe order some food and have some fun?", he smiled smugly and winked at Harry.

Harry smiled back and bit his lip,"Okay... I like the sound of that. Just me and you."

"Yeah, but we still need to celebrate though, so we can maybe go have brunch with Louis and Liam? Eat some avocado toast? Drink mimosas?!", Niall said in a squeaky excited tone.

Harry laughed,"And overwhelm them with gayness? I don't think they'll like that."

"Of course they will, I went with them before! They love brunch!", Niall replied while going to get dressed.

"And you're sure you don't wanna go out tonight?", Niall asked from the bedroom.

"Not really baby, I'd much rather stay with you here.", Harry replied 

Niall hummed in response, "I'm gonna go take a shower... wanna join me?"

Niall walked out of the bedroom and went into the bathroom. Harry followed him in.

"I don't know... if we wanna make it to brunch I don't know if we'll have time and-"

Niall kissed Harry to shut him up,"It's better if you don't talk."

Niall smiled and started to take off Harry's clothes while leaving kisses on Harry's freshly exposed skin.

"I'm so proud of you.", Niall said while kissing Harry on the lips passionately,"So proud of what you did and so proud of how you're healing. You're doing such a good job."

Harry smiled and looked at Niall, but when he went to say something Niall shut him up and pulled him into the shower.

"As I said, you talk too much. Relax a bit, okay?", he said while turning on the shower and adjusting the water to be the perfect temperature.

He took some shampoo and started washing Harry's hair. Harry released a breathy moan. Niall smiled satisfied and kissed Harry's chest...

Later on, Niall called Louis and Liam who were more than happy to have brunch with them. When they entered the restaurant Louis and Liam were already there. 

"Hello, Niall!", Liam exclaimed,"And one soon to be famous writer who will ditch us."

Harry laughed,"Ha ha, very funny. I only ditch you when I'm sad."

"So like all the time?", Louis mocked.

"I am not sad now, in fact, I'm quite happy.", he replied.

Louis smiled,"I know, I'm just joking. I'm glad you're finally happy again."

The following hour and a half they spent eating overpriced food and fancy looking mimosas that were clearly made with cheap champagne, but they still enjoyed every second of it. They talked and laughed, Niall and Harry joked about how Liam and Louis should date which made Louis roll his eyes and Liam laugh awkwardly. Louis asked if he could get a copy of the book too and Harry promised him a signed one while jokingly adding "So you can sell it after I'm dead and get rich".

After brunch Niall and Harry walked back home together, but stopped by a park to enjoy the sunny day. They sat on a bench and Niall rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

"I love it when it's sunny and all the birds are singing. And the air feels so light and you can just close your eyes and enjoy everything.", Niall said while closing his eyes.

Harry smiled and looked at Niall,"If sunny days always make you like this then I'll do my best to make sure it's always sunny."

Niall opened his eyes and looked back at Harry. He smiled and placed a soft kiss on Harry's lips.

Sadly their idle was broken by a pair of guys walking past,"Fucking fags." 

Harry broke the kiss and looked at them with a confused expression,"Excuse me? What's your problem?" 

"People like you. Absolutely disgusting.", one of the guys replied, stopped walking and turned towards them. 

"Why is it wrong what we are doing? If it were a boy and a girl no one would mind.", Niall said politely. 

"Shut up, what you're doing is sick. You need help.", the guy spat back at Niall. 

Harry looked at him angrily now,"No, you need fucking help. We're not the ones bothering others by stupid comments. So you better back off, idiot."

"Or what? What are you gonna do fag? Beat me up?", he laughed mockingly.

"Try me, bitch.", Harry said and got up. 

Niall got up as well, pulled at Harry's arm and dragged him away.

"Come on lets go home. Don't start fights.", Niall said while walking away.

"I'm not starting a fight. He started it.", Harry replied while squeezing Niall's hand tightly.

"It doesn't matter who started it. It's important not to continue it. Just ignore it.", Niall added.

"They can offend me and you, but I can't defend myself?!", Harry said.

"Harry if you do something, they'll call the police on us. And trust me being a gay drug addict is not going to go in your favor.", Niall replied and gave Harry a serious look.

Harry sighed and just nodded,"Alright, next time I'll keep my mouth shut." 

Niall smiled and gripped Harry's hand tighter,"Some people don't think that what we have is love, but I'm pretty sure I love you." 

Harry laughed and smiled,"I love you too." 

They walked home and got in the flat. Niall took off his jacket and when he turned around to say something to Harry he was stopped by Harry suddenly grabbing his face and kissing him passionately. Niall giggled and tried to say something, but every word was stopped by Harry placing another kiss on Niall's lips. Niall gently pushed Harry away while giggling and trying to catch his breath.

"Jesus, chill a bit.", he said while laughing.

Harry smirked smugly,"My name is Harry, but sure you can call me that too.", he finished while adding a wink.

Niall laughed loudly,"Okay, that's a good one." 

Harry laughed as well,"I know, I waited so long to say it."

Harry then pulled Niall close and kissed him again. Niall alternated between kissing back and trying to say something. Finally Harry rolled his eyes and looked at Niall.

"Can you shut up? Save it for later, it can wait, but I can't wait anymore.", He said, grabbed Niall and lifted him up so his legs wrapped around his waist.

"Bit rude, but okay.",Niall laughed,"I wanted to say do you wanna take this to the bedroom, but I guess you already read my mind?" 

Harry smiled and kissed Niall lovingly while carrying him to the bedroom. While walking, he did bump Niall's head into a few door frames which resulted in a few Ow's and laughs, but eventually he did manage to get to the bedroom and put Niall down on the bed. 

"Next time don't carry me or else I'll get a concussion.", Niall laughed while rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry, love.", Harry replied and quickly started taking off both his and Niall's clothes.

"So eager, aren't you?", Niall said teasingly.

Harry just glanced at him with a look that said shut up or I'll lose my shit which made Niall laugh again.

"I love it when you're like this, you can't control yourself and you're all excited.", Niall said while still laughing,"You're also clumsy and you're bumping into things. It's hilarious." 

Harry got on top of him and kissed him,"Well fine, we don't have to do this if it bothers you?", he added while smirking.

"No, no, on the contrary it's actually really attractive.", Niall replied and kissed back. 

Harry kissed down Niall's jaw and neck and then back up to his face. He left countless kisses all over Niall's cheeks and lips while Niall closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Harry's hair. 

"I never thought I'd fall in love again, but I guess I did.", Harry said quietly in between kisses.

"It means a lot when you say these kinds of things, baby. I always thought that I was rushing you... like you didn't want it.", Niall replied.

"I always wanted it, it's just I'm always insecure I'll fuck something up.", Harry said and then looked at Niall.

Niall looked back and ran his fingers down Harry's cheek,"Stop worrying about small things like that, if something goes wrong, that's okay too. Things happen, people change and people make mistakes. We can't be perfect and ideal all the time. Relationships are like life, they have ups and downs and if you can survive those ups and downs then the relationship is meant to be. If it falls apart, maybe then it was never meant to be.", Niall said,"And just because you are cold sometimes or you can't express what you're feeling doesn't mean I'll leave you or that I'll be angry at you. I always try to understand and I'll always be here for you. You know that right?", he asked

Harry waited a bit and then looked at Niall again,"Yes, I know that."

He kissed Niall gently and passionately yet full of need and lust. Niall sometimes felt like their relationship is purely physical considering the fact that they hooked up the first night they met, but the more he got to know Harry the more he felt both himself and Harry fall in love. He knew Harry felt about him the same way he feels about Harry. And even though Harry was sometimes angry and cold, he knew that, underneath Harry’s coldness, he still loved him with his whole heart.


End file.
